devinhudson.com

Behind the Facebook Status

2012-01-27T12:09:00.001-06:00

A lesson God is teaching me...

Godliness is more than a pithy Facebook status.
Godliness is more than a public persona.
Godliness is more than tweeting a Bible verse, a song lyric, or a quote from a popular book or Puritan.
Godliness is more than the image people have of you.
Godliness is more than what you say or even what you do.

You see a pithy Facebook status may get you the ever-popular thumbs up from a select group of your "friends" but it may not communicate the true status of your heart. Your public persona does not often reveal the secret sins of your private life. Tweeting a Bible verse, song lyric, or quote may win me favor with others but it may not portray my own lack of faith and failure to apply that particular truth. The image people have of you does not always expose the rest of the story. What you say and do may contradict what you claim or promote.

I have been guilty of talking godliness while living idolatry. I have been guilty of seeking human approval over safeguarding my heart. I have been guilty of hiding my secret sin in order to protect my public image. I have been guilty of concealing sin in order to obtain the affirmation of others.

The truth is only God knows our heart. Only God is the true Judge of godliness. Only God sees into our soul. Humans can only judge our godliness (or lack thereof) based on our words and actions - of which both are easy to manipulate. It is easy to say and do things to make people believe you are someone you are not. Humans are easy to fool. God - not so much. God looks deeper than words and actions. God examines our hearts.

The idea of godliness in the New Testament denotes two primary ideas: a) a God-ward attitude of priority, reverence, and faith that b) manifests itself in doing what pleases God (actions). Thus godliness always begins with one's proper attitude toward God that naturally results in obedient activity for God. So what might appear on the outside as godly actions might actually be selfish (and subsequently sinful) actions of they are performed without the proper attitude.

Here's where it gets tough ...

True godliness cannot be discerned through a Facebook status, tweet, quote, action, sermon, or any other form of outward performance. Don't get me wrong - these activities MIGHT reveal a godly heart but not necessarily. Only God knows our hearts - our desperately wicked hearts.

We love human approval. We seek it. We seek it intentionally at times. We seek it unknowingly at times. We seek it in what we say, what we do, where we go, what we post, what we portray. We seek it so that we might feel better about ourselves or avoid blame or protect our image. Sadly, we often seek it at the expense of our own relationship with God.

I have lived a very ungodly life at times while talking the opposite. I have lived for the approval of humans at the expense of my relationship with Jesus. I've lived the lie and eventually it caught up to me.

In his booklet The Christian Graces, James Tolle asserts, "The graces of virtue, knowledge, and self-control, as well as of patience, must be hallowed and inspired by godliness, so that the thought of God is brought into them all, so that they begin and end with God." Godliness begins in our heart - pursuing and finding our identity in what Jesus has done and not in what we do or do not do.

In other words, godliness is the motivating factor that drives us to know God, know who we are in Him, and in return be more like Him. As I reflect on this truth, I am not sure how it all plays out in every day life. But what I do know is that there are times when God strips away everything by which you have been defined so that He might recapture your heart in a way that forces you to repent of your own sin and seek to rest solely in who He is and not upon who you are. It is a tough, ongoing, and much-needed lesson.

Luke's Bookends

2012-01-24T11:08:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking recently about what God is like based primarily on the empirical evidence provided. Sometimes it seems difficult to get an accurate depiction of God in the harshness of life. I have said on more than one occasion that I understand why there are so many skeptics - just look around. Sickness. Disease. War. Murder. Rape. Child molestation. Violence. Abuse. Slavery. Genocide. Corruption. And the list could go on and on. The world in which we live can be a cruel place.

Because we live in such a broken world I understand why the skeptic, or even the average person with a somewhat normal sense of human justice, might scratch their head and question what kind of God this God is. And to be honest, I'm not always sure the answers we construct in the name of theology do much to answer the heart of these concerns. We want to think our answers are sufficient and so we argue and defend and uphold and guard our sacred theological moorings in a way that even renders them pointless at times. After all if you are only talking within your own walls, then who is really listening?

When you consider life's cruelties, it is easy to wonder if God is there and if He is, does He even care? Yet ever since act one/scene one, the Bible asserts that God remains involved in the story. If this assumption is valid, then the brokenness is not a result of God pulling away. On the contrary, the evidence appears to suggest that God remains active even when we question His involvement. Not only does God remain engaged with His creation, but He even went so far as to become a part of it. And if we truly believe that Jesus is the supreme revelation of God (Hebrews 1), then His life stands as the linchpin of understanding who God is.

So what does the life of Jesus tell us about who God is? What does the story of Jesus tell us about the brokenness? What does Jesus tell us about God's perspective of the harshness? What does Jesus tell us about God?

If anything, the life of Jesus reminds us that God redeems the brokenness for His glory. Jesus became one of us in order to rescue sinners from the brokenness. The story of Jesus is a story of redemption - God intervening on our behalf to break the cycle of sin and death.

There are so many Jesus stories that attest to this truth. Let's think about just two. Consider the two accounts that bookend the life of Jesus in Luke's biography. When Jesus was born, God announced to a group of ragtag sinners: "A Savior has been born." The birth announcement of Jesus simply said Savior. Not theologian. Educator. Priest. Philosopher. Philanthropist. Scholar. King. Sage. Now any of those titles could be used to help define the life and ministry of Jesus but when it came time for God to reveal His name - He chose Savior - a title of redemption.

Fast forward to the waning moments of Jesus' life. He is strapped to a cross between two rebels - men condemned to die for their atrocities. Two of the Gospel writers inform us that these two men, along with the crowd, mocked Jesus. John provides no information about their interaction. Luke alone records a scene that reminds us of who God is. Luke tells us that one of the sinners, evidently even after mocking Jesus, makes one final desperate request of Jesus: "Remember me when you come into your kingdom." In a moment of frantic concern, this dying sinner cries out to Jesus for redemption. Jesus' response? "Today you will be with me in Paradise." This final scene just before Jesus breathes his last breath reminds us that He came to redeem sinners - frantic, desperate, dying sinners.

Think about this criminal hanging beside Jesus. He was a sinner dying for his crimes. He has just finished mocking Jesus. And now He wants forgiveness? Doesn't it seem a little convenient that he can make one desperate faith plea to Jesus and go straight to Paradise? Doesn't it seem unfair? A little too easy? Think about the people this man has hurt. The lives he destroyed. The pain he caused. The consequences he deserved. It just doesn't seem right. But isn't that what redemption is all about? God invading the brokenness.

Jesus encounters like this one remind me that God's scandalous grace is bigger than our theologies and formulas and presuppositions and opinions and systems and definitions and charts and interpretations or even our own sense of what is just and fair. It doesn't mean those things are unimportant. They are essential. It just means that if our human constructions cause us to lose sight of the reality that we can't restrict God to our human attempts to explain Him, then we have missed the heart of His own display of Himself. God is a Savior. He redeems sinners. He came to heal the spiritually sick.

What is God like? Honestly our theological boxes cannot contain the magnitude of who God is. We are being naive to think we can restrict God to our own tainted answers and opinions. But when we examine God when He appeared as one of us, one thing is clear: He is a God who enters our brokenness in order to redeem us from our sins. God's manifestation of Himself screams, Savior. And because we are all desperate sinners hanging with a spiritual death sentence of our own making, the gospel, the story of Jesus, truly is good news.

Speak the Truth. In Love.

2012-01-20T12:04:00.000-06:00

"Speaking the truth in love"

This phrase is one that we hear tossed around a lot in Christian and non-Christian circles. I have used this expression multiple times in regard to parenting, rebuking a fallen Christian, calling out some pet sin, and a number of other circumstances when I felt a need to justify my words or tone. In more recent times, it has been a frequent axiom others have repeated to validate their words and/or actions toward me.

Although this particular phrase is seldom used in Scripture, the biblical principles of speaking the truth and being loving toward those with whom we are communicating are recurrent and important.

However applying both of these congruent principles can be a difficult balance to strike. Based on our own personality and how we tend to deal with conflict, we will usually fault to one side or the other. For those who are more forthright in their communication and take a more direct approach when it comes to conflict resolution, speaking the truth comes natural. And for those who seek reconciliation or answers in a more gentle manner, the love part of the equation comes more naturally.

I know that I have had a tendency in the past to speak my mind in a way that was not always Christ-honoring while justifying my approach with the speak the truth mentality. Often I would take my justification one step further by saying, "Because I love you, I am going to say this." Is there a biblical rationalization for this approach? Absolutely. The Bible is filled with instructions to speak the truth regardless of the recipient's response.

But what do you do when the person to whom you are speaking already knows the truth intimately? This scenario presents a more difficult challenge. For example, what would you do if a family member whom you loved deeply was driving their car toward a guaranteed catastrophe? Initially you would probably let that person know with passion of the pending threat: "The bridge is out. Turn around. If you don't, you could die." Speak the truth. But what happens if that same family member knows of the pending threat and yet knowingly continues down that same path? What approach would you take? Would you begin to scream insults or implement guilt or shame to try and invoke them to stop? Or would you attempt to communicate with that person how much you love them, how much they would be missed, and how much they are valued? Which approach is the appropriate one? I'm not sure.

At some point, the person who knows of the pending danger and yet continues down the same path simply ignores or stops hearing the truth-bearer. The truth can become irrelevant simply because of the tone. While the truth is always true, one's approach might dictate whether that truth falls on deaf ears. On the other hand, the one who focuses on loving the person may fail to communicate the urgency of the danger.

I believe it requires a lot of wisdom to know how to strike the balance between these two worlds. I know in my own experience that I was more prone to listen to those who spoke into my life in a way that demonstrated the love of Jesus. I knew the truth. I knew the bridge was out. I had plenty of people reminding me of the truth. And as a result, the warnings soon became somewhat superfluous - not because the warnings were untrue but because I already knew the truth. On the other hand, God placed a group of people in my life who were able to say, "Devin I totally disagree with your decision making right now but I love you and I will walk with you through this process. My love does not hinge on your decisions."

While both approaches are valid in different scenarios, it was the latter approach that God was able to use most effectively in my life.

I have three children with three different personalities. If I try and take the same approach to discipline and instruction with each of them, I will do a disservice to at least one of them. A more direct, firm approach is needed in some circumstances. And a more loving, compassionate tone is needed in other situations. Both are valid and both are necessary based on the child and the situation.

The same is true as we seek to navigate the difficult waters of speaking the truth in love to those who have fallen by the wayside or are living a life headed toward destruction.

Not too long ago, one of my closest mentors when I was in ministry e-mailed me to let me know that God has spoken to him in his quiet time about me. He and I had a few exchanges following my fall and he had spoken the truth candidly and repeatedly. Everything he said was 100% true and I knew it. Yet his words were unable to penetrate my calloused heart because I had already heard what he was saying so many times. As a matter of fact, I had preached the exact same thing multiple times and said the exact same things to dozens of people who came to me while living in some type of sin. His rebuke became redundant.

And yet this time, what he said penetrated my heart in a different way. In his e-mail, this mentor referenced Paul's instructions in Galatians 6:1 where the spiritually mature are called upon to deal with those caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness and to take their fall as a reminder to guard our own hearts because each of us are vulnerable. His words demonstrated a compassion, sincerity, and honesty that I had not felt from him before that moment. Did he change his mind on what he believed I should do? Absolutely not. Did he compromise his beliefs? In no way. But his approach and tone spoke the truth louder to me than anything he had said before.

Jesus Christ is THE truth. Every time He spoke He was speaking the truth. And yet His greatest act was not telling people how depraved, condemned, and ignorant they are. His greatest act was when He lovingly laid down His life for the depraved, condemned, and ignorant. God so loved the world that He gave. No one could ever accuse Jesus of failing to speak the truth and yet it is His demonstration of unconditional love that bridges the gap between a perfect God and imperfect humans.

Speak the truth in love. I'm not sure I have the answer on how both of these two directives work together most effectively. Well-meaning Jesus followers will often fall short on both sides of the adage. And yet understanding how and when to implement this principle might be the key to helping that disobedient child, fallen Christian, or confused sinner find redemption, healing, and restoration.

As Jesus phrased it to his disciples, we must learn to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matt 10:16) - a tough but necessary balance to find.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

2012-01-11T10:44:00.000-06:00

This post is kind of a part two from my One Year Later post earlier this week. I want to qualify my words again because it is so important to remember. I write primarily as a form of healing. I received tons of positive feedback from my last post. It is my most read blog ever but please know that I do not write to receive praise. I am encouraged when someone is helped through my words but I lived in the world of seeking to please humans too long. I write primarily to express what God is teaching me so that a) Jesus is lifted up, b) people are reminded of our continual need of His grace, c) healing can take place, and d) someone who is following the path I took might second guess their decisions.

In light of everything that has happened, let me share with you some of the good, the bad, and the ugly (although I am going to mix up the order - sorry Clint Eastwood). I will be candid.

THE BAD

When I think about the bad, I am reminded of my own sin and my continual need for repentance and forgiveness. God has been teaching me a lot about repentance lately. Repentance is such a heart issue. It is so personal. If you doubt its intimacy, just read the Psalms. The struggle with repentance is that no one one knows your heart and everyone seems to know what repentance should or should not look like in your life. That's why repentance is primarily between the sinner and God. That being said, repentance also manifests itself outwardly. One of the evidences of repentance is seeking forgiveness from those you have sinned against. I have been in the process of asking forgiveness.

I hurt a lot of people. I sinned against a lot of people. I am not always sure who deserves an apology and who does not. And I have also learned that regardless of what you say or do that it may or may not be enough for the injured party. People will question your sincerity, your method, your words, your motive, and just about anything and everything related to this difficult process. That's why ultimately the person asking forgiveness must do what God calls us to do and leave the results to Him.

However, there are certain people that I sinned against who I believe deserve a public (and private) apology. I have asked for forgiveness from many of these people and most of them have extended me that grace. I also understand forgiveness is a process and I am learning to trust God with that process.

God. Above anyone else, I sinned against God. I sinned against the God who gave me life. I have repented of my sin before Him and asked for His forgiveness. Thankfully He is the God who forgives completely and fully without reservations or limitations.

Starla. I was married to Starla for 20 years. I betrayed her in more ways than one. I violated our marriage covenant. I sinned against her. There is no excuse for what I did to her. I will live with that reality for a long time. I have asked for her forgiveness.

My Children. I sinned against my kids. I failed to be the father God called me to be in their lives. I live with the consequences of my sin against them every day. Their grace and forgiveness toward me in spite of me blows my mind.

My Family. God blessed me with a great family. I hurt them deeply and sinned against them. They have extended undeserved grace to me.

Ashley's Family. I sinned against Ashley's former husband Dean. I sinned against her dad, mom, sister, and brother. I sinned against the family who raised her in a godly home. I should have respected the sanctity of her marriage and her godly heritage and I did not.

Grace Point Church. God entrusted me with an incredible vision that became Grace Point Church. God allowed me to be a part of an incredible journey and see a lot of people become followers of Jesus through Grace Point. I will always be a part of the Grace Point story. Yet I violated their trust. I sinned against them. I failed them as a leader.

Grace Point's Staff and Leadership. God allowed me to work with incredible people at Grace Point. I led many of them to Christ and was able to be involved in the spiritual journey of all of them. And I betrayed them. I sinned against the staff and the elders. I betrayed their trust. I failed to protect my heart and turned my back on them when they tried to reach out to me.

My Mentors. God has placed some incredible people in my life. Many great men of God invested in me and the vision God placed in my heart. I sinned against them.

My Friends. My life journey has taken a crazy path. God has allowed me to have many friends in many places around the country. My sin hurt them.

My sphere of influence. God allowed me to impact people that I do not even know personally. My sin hurt many of those people. We had a huge testimony in the community where Grace Point exists. My sin hurt the name of Jesus among many of those people.

Ashley. I sinned against my present wife Ashley. I allowed myself to get involved in an adulterous relationship with her. It took me quite some time to realize that I needed to ask for her forgiveness. I heard an Andy Stanley sermon that really helped me understand the necessity of this step. I have done so and it has helped us take some huge steps in the healing of our own relationship which started on a faulty foundation and requires the redemptive grace of Jesus.

I know there are many others who I hurt deeply who are not included in this list. I wish I could sit with each person face-to-face and ask for their forgiveness. But I can't. So to all of those who have been hurt by my actions, know that I am sorry for my sin. I ask you to forgive me. I pray that you will keep your eyes on Jesus the One who will never sin against you or let you down.

The bad is bad. Sin is. Thankfully Jesus forgives, heals, and transforms the bad for His glory.

THE UGLY

Adultery is ugly. Divorce is ugly. Sin is ugly. Consequences are ugly. There is a lot of ugly in situations like this one. The lies. The deception. The gossip. The secrets. The slander. The shame. The guilt. The finger pointing. The labels. When things like this happen, the ugly gets really ugly.

My heart had grown really ugly before my sin was exposed. I was in an ugly season of life and as a result I made some decisions that were self-centered. Without getting into all of the ugly details, I did not trust God to do the impossible. I did not trust God to heal my marriage. I did not trust God to work in my heart and life.

I chose the ugly and I live with the ugliness of my choices. Thankfully God has a divine way of transforming ugliness into beauty - of taking our sinful choices and redeeming them.

THE GOOD

I hesitate to post the good because I do not want it to be misconstrued but I do believe those who are living in the bad and ugly need to know that God is able to bring good out of our wrong. I mention the good only because God is good and He is responsible for any good that has come out of the bad and ugly. Here are a few good things happening in my life.

God is healing my heart - I have written plenty on this already.

A job that allows me to focus on my relationships. Split custody is ugly, but God has provided me a job where I am able to be home 3 1/2 days a week with little or no obligations. I can drop off the kids at school and pick them up. I am able to spend quality time with them. In spite of the ugliness, God has provided some good when it comes to spending time with my kids. I love them deeper than ever.

My second chance marriage. I want to be very careful to avoid unnecessary hurt. Let's be honest here: our marriage did not start off in a God-honoring way. Every odd is stacked against us. We know the statistics for second marriages and they are not pretty. And because we are so aware of the stats, we are extremely God-dependent and determined to make the most of the second chance God has given us. We can't change what has happened. Our present life is our new reality. We can't go back. But what we can do is surrender our hearts and marriage to God and live in the truth that grace bridges the gap. Grace is bigger than statistics and it is upon that truth we will stand.

There is so much that is unfair about this entire situation. My heart hurts for those I have hurt. Although many view me as strong, prideful, confident, and arrogant at times, the truth is that God has broken me. I weep over my sin and those affected by it. No one knows the depth of my hurt. And yet, as the Psalmist so vividly describes over and over, God is my eternal refuge and strength. He is my solace. And He is working to make all things new.

God redeems humans. He redeems broken lives, sinful hearts, damaged relationships, and selfish choices. He redeems the bad and He redeems the ugly. And He uses both for His glory.

So there it is in a nutshell: the good, the bad, and the ugly. All three are a part of life and all three are an essential part of this tapestry that we call life.

One Year Later...

2012-01-09T10:40:00.001-06:00

*This blog has been written out of the sincerity of my heart. Writing is usually natural for me but this particular blog took me quite some time to process and write. I know that some will judge its content and others will find it healing. To be honest, I wrote it more for my own healing and reflection than for anyone else. God knows my heart and ultimately He is my audience. Hopefully it will give those who care a glimpse into what God has been doing in my heart this past year. So here it is:

January 9th 2011 was the most difficult day of my life to this point.

On that day, I walked off the stage of Grace Point Church for the last time. Ironically, my last Sunday as the Founding Pastor of Grace Point was also our 5-year anniversary as a church. Grace Point is a vision God planted in my heart years earlier that became a reality in 2006 when about 135 people gathered in a middle school cafeteria in North Las Vegas and Grace Point Church was officially born.

For over six years, Grace Point Church was my life. I loved it. I lived it. I breathed it. I was obsessed with it. And then suddenly, it was gone. Because of my own selfish and sinful choices, I forfeited the right to lead the very church God birthed in my heart years earlier. In a few days time, everything Devin Hudson related (name, sermons, videos, etc) were erased from the website of a church that exists because of a God call in my heart. I didn't even have the opportunity to say goodbye. And it all happened for one reason: my sin.

The last official thing I did as the Lead Pastor of Grace Point Church was share the gospel. After a day of celebration and reflection on our 5+ year journey, I shared the gospel one final time, walked off the stage, collapsed in the arms of a friend, and wept like a baby knowing my life would never be the same - and there was no one to blame but me.

On that same day, I had the toughest conversations I have ever had in my life as my secret sin and its subsequent consequences were revealed to my family, friends, and those God had entrusted me to lead and serve. I will NEVER forget the cries of anguish from my kids on that day. Even as I type the words, that memory still hurts my heart deeply and brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I do not wish that feeling and experience on anyone. I live every day with that memory.

One year ago, everything I knew professionally and personally was forever changed. The hurt I felt and caused can not be explained. It can only be experienced. I live with the reality of my choices every single day. I hurt more people than I even know. Everything I was and am was called into question. As I have heard it said many times, "It takes years to build a reputation but only a moment to destroy it."

Since that fateful day last January, my life has been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I have gone through a divorce. Relocated. Remarried. And taken my place in life outside the "ministry" world I had known so long. My life now is a direct result of a cycle of selfish choices. For an extended period of time, I allowed my heart to wander from the God who planted that initial vision in my heart. Eventually it caused me to develop and live a pattern of sinful decisions that disqualified me from the church I started from scratch. In short, I became a statistic.

To say that this year has been difficult would be an extreme understatement. No one knows the pain, hurt, regret, guilt, and remorse that we have been through. As the old adage goes, "until you walk a mile in another person's shoes..." And yet through the immensity of the pain and severity of the consequences, God never stopped pursuing and loving me.

I plan to write some blogs over the next few days/weeks on the life lessons God has been teaching me but for now, here is a summary of my "one year later" thoughts.

Protect your heart. Bottom line: I did not guard my heart and I fell prey to sin's temptation. As the Proverbs warn, "Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it are the sources of life." If you do not protect your heart with vigilance then you will fall - at some level and in some way.

Your character is more important than your image. I surprised a lot of people when my sin was exposed. I did a good job creating an image that everything was great in my life while my heart was far from God in so many ways. My image was very important to me - more important to me than my character. And for that reason, I lied, covered up things, and scrambled to protect my image. If I had been as concerned with my character as I was my image, then I would have worked harder to protect the things that are the most important in life.

Jesus followers can make bad decisions. Only those who have been through the type of life experience we have been through can understand how you can 1) love Jesus, 2) love His church, and 3) allow sin to take a prominent place in your life. If you had asked me a few years ago if I was capable of falling into this trap, I would have wanted to believe I was not. And yet here I am. I fell into a cycle of sin that resulted in some horrible decisions. Yet I never stopped loving Jesus. I can list a hundred reasons why I ended up where I did and God is helping me process how I ended up there so I never end up there again. I have learned the hard way that Jesus followers can make bad decisions. That's why our salvation is continually being worked out in our lives. The gospel must continually transform our hearts into the image of Jesus.

Sin's consequences are harsh. I've heard a lot of talk about consequences the last year. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what consequences I should or should not face. And truthfully, only those who go through something like this can grasp the depth of sin's consequences. Deserved or undeserved - consequences still hurt. Remember that truth when you want to passively dismiss someone's consequences as what they deserve. The pain is still real. Jesus came to take sin's consequences and thankfully He embraced our most severe consequence of all - our deserved death. I live everyday of my life with my consequences. Thankfully the gospel redeems them for His glory.

Repentance can be a process. I recently wrote on this subject here. The only thing I will repeat here is that repentance is a necessary and continual component in the healing of our hearts and it must be grounded in the goodness and grace of the God who forgives.

God is the God of second chances. This statement has never been more real to me. God gives second chances (and third, fourth, fifth, etc). God never gives up on us and pursues us relentlessly. I am more grateful than ever that God's love for me never changes. When others gave up on me, He did not. That truth amazes me. It is God's second chance grace that I now embrace for my life, my marriage, and my future.

Sin is big - Grace is bigger. Romans 5:20 is the cornerstone verse upon Grace Point Church was founded. "Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more." It is an easy verse to quote but a difficult verse to believe and live. Over the past few months, God has taught me more than ever that my heart is far more sinful than I imagined and yet His grace is far bigger than I imagined.

God is my final Judge. I have learned this lesson the hard way. For much of my life I have been consumed with what people think about me. In recent months, God has taught repeatedly, "Devin stop worrying about what labels others give you and focus on who you are in me." This truth has been liberating for me. I wrote a blog on labels where I talked about how crippling human labels can be and yet how empowering God's labels are. I am learning to live in who I am in Jesus and be less concerned with how others judge me. By the way, no matter what steps you take it will not satisfy everyone so do what God calls you to do and leave the response in His hands.

Forgiveness is a process. Just like repentance can be a process, so can forgiveness. I am not sure what complete and genuine forgiveness looks like when you hurt people so deeply. I have experienced it in Jesus and through some of His followers. I know that a lot of us tend to forgive in a "I forgive you but..." kind of way. I'm so thankful Jesus doesn't forgive that way. He not only forgives but pursues intimate relationship. The New Testament calls us to a "as Jesus forgives" type forgiveness but I realize forgiveness is also a process. I don't pretend to have this tension figured out. In the end I must trust Jesus to bring healing and believe that ultimately genuine forgiveness will prevail.

Guilt and remorse are heavy burdens. There is a line in Crowder's rendition of How He Loves Us that declares, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us." Those words are powerful when applied to real life. Living with guilt and remorse is something I do every day and yet God continually calls me to lay aside my guilt and embrace His healing love. As time passes, I am learning to allow Him to bear the weight of my guilt and find my freedom in His forgiveness.

Being Jesus to fallen Jesus followers is tough. God has put some incredible people in my life. One of the first blogs I wrote after I felt God wanted me to start writing again reminds us that our tendency is to defriend sinners and the tendency of Jesus was to befriend sinners. It is one of my most read blogs ever. I believe it resonates with so many because being Jesus to fallen Christians (particularly leaders) is a difficult challenge. I am so thankful that God put people in my life to love me through the good and bad. People responded a lot of different ways to my sin. Not one person ever condoned or excused what I did or was doing. But only a handful of people were able to say "Devin - I love you and regardless of what I think about your sin I will continue to love you and be there for you." Even in my most sinful and prideful moments, those people loved me in a way that pointed to Jesus. Ultimately their love for me was a huge part of my healing process. They refused to walk away even when I didn't return their phone calls or respond as I should have and as a result God used them far beyond what they realize. Be Jesus to people - even when it is tough and unnatural - they will not forget it.

God makes beauty out of ashes. That statement speaks for itself.

The last year of my life has taught me so much about me and more importantly about God. I am continuing to find healing in my relationship with God, my children, my family, and my friends. I do not wish what I have been through this year on anyone. And yet through it all, God has proven faithful, loving, and forgiving. I pray I will continue to discover who He is and who I am in Him.

If you are reading this blog and find yourself in a situation similar to where I was, take the necessary steps to find repentance and restoration. It is not too late. Reach out to someone. Reach out to me if you want. I get it! Don't become a statistic.

One year later ... He is still the God who loves, saves, heals, forgives, and restores. And I now understand that truth more than ever.

The Christmas Gospel

2011-12-13T10:55:00.000-06:00

Christmas 101 = Gospel 101

Luke 2:10-11. The angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

These words announced by an angel that first historic Christmas night (and reiterated by Charlie Brown and millions of others since) provide for us the heart of the gospel. As a matter of fact, the word gospel means good news. The actual Greek rendering of this phrase employed by the angel is: "I evangelize or pronounce to you great joy." The heartbeat of the Christmas story is the announcement of a message of great joy.

And notice the gospel is a message of great joy intended for all people: shepherds, Magi, unwed mothers, insecure fathers, politicians, beggars, moral people, immoral people, blue collar workers, alcoholics, prostitutes, soldiers, auditors, children, victims, liars, poor people, religious leaders, angry people, bitter people, greedy people, jealous people, sweet people, forgiving people, generous people, and content people. The gospel is intended for people who are hurt, healthy, disappointed, happy, broken, ugly, attractive, dissatisfied, militant, aggressive, humble, passive, proud, or curious. The message is for all types of people - regardless of personality, skin color, nationality, upbringing, dialect, size, shape, or tendencies. It is for ALL people - that's part of what makes it good news - it is more inclusive than exclusive.

What is this gospel of good news provided for all people?

Here's what the gospel is NOT:
- Straighten up
- Shape up
- Clean up
- Sober up
- Go to church
- Be good
- Stop doing ________
- Start doing ________
- Try to be ________
- Try to not ________

The gospel message announced to the world via a bunch of messy renegades that first Christmas night is not about condemnation but about redemption. Luke's rendition of the event emphasizes the dawning of something new and redemptive (salvation begins TODAY ~ both fulfillment and initiation start now). Twenty times in his 2 books Luke utilizes the word translated today to underscore the emergence of a new era that focuses more on our redemption and less on our condemnation. "Thou shalt nots" do not redeem - every religion is filled with its own set of rules and regulations. What separates the gospel is that it is not about what we do or do not do. Instead it is about what He has done. And that is good news!

So guess what? If those of us who claim to follow Jesus place a greater emphasis on condemnation than we do redemption, we have missed the heart of the gospel proclaimed that night. If people feel more condemned than loved, we have misrepresented the message. I'm not sure if you know the history of shepherds, but let's just say that they were not the most respected and moral people in the community. And yet this group of outlaws were the audience God chose when He provided a soundbite of His eternal plan. When you understand the gospel, you understand why.

What was the message initiated that night? "A Savior has been born" This same memo was sent earlier when another angel instructed the earthly parents of Jesus to name their child Jesus. Why? Because, the angel revealed, the name means "God saves" and Jesus will save His people from their sins.

There we have it - the gospel in a nutshell: God sent a Savior into the world to save people from their sins. Why did God send a Savior? Because we are sinners - we can't save ourselves. Our feeble attempts at goodness fall short of his perfect standard. We can't keep a rigid enough list to earn favor with God. We need Someone to bridge the gap between our sin and God's perfection. We need Someone to do what we cannot do. We need Someone to save us from our sins and that is what Jesus came to do - save us from us. God sent a Savior because that is exactly what we needed.

God did not send a helper. He did not send a supplement. He did not send an addendum or a complement. He did not send Someone to help us get to God. Salvation is not my goodness + Jesus. The gospel is not my moral efforts + Jesus. We need a Savior to save us from our sins.

The good news of God is about salvation. The gospel is about redemption. It is the same message that was declared by an angelic army to a band of ragtag sinners on a hillside overlooking Bethlehem and it is the same gospel that continues to transform sinners into followers today.

Christmas is about Jesus - not just the 7 pound, 6 ounce golden-fleeced baby Jesus laying in that sanitized manger in our nativity scenes. But the Jesus who came to do what we can't do ourselves - save us from our sins. And that is the heart of the gospel.

Repent (and continue to do so)

2011-12-08T12:29:00.000-06:00

At its most root level, the word repentance means a change of mind. In the original language, the NT word is related to turning - specifically turning from sin and turning to God. Repentance includes a change of heart that results in a change of action (that may or may not always be appreciated instantaneously).

Other concepts related to the idea of repentance include: sorrow over our sin, forsaking our sin, pursuing what is right, and right decision-making. Other natural feelings often related to an attitude of repentance include: guilt, remorse, regret, sorrow, hurt, and a multitude of other human emotions.

Defining repentance on paper is easy. And it is also simple for us to prescribe what repentance looks like for other people: stop doing __________ and start doing __________. When it comes to other people's sins, repentance is fairly black-and-white for us. I am a "bottom-line" type person so it is easy for me to assume what repentance looks like for others. I was never a very good counselor because I normally just looked at the person seeking my help and said something like "just stop doing that and start doing this" (which is true repentance at its core level). My sympathies for sin struggles different than my own were often limited and heartless. To be honest, I simply could not identify with people who struggled with certain sins that looked different than my own. And for that reason, it was easy for me to define repentance in their life with little or no room for the process often required to reach a place of full repentance.

Enter life.

For the past year of my life, I have been the person on the "this is what you need to do" side of this equation. If you were truly repentant, you would ______. And herein lies the tension: the only basis we have to judge what is going on in someone's heart is their actions (a biblical principle). Yet at the same time, sin is still a reality with which we struggle. It is the Romans 7 tension with which we all live (I do what I do not want to do and I don't do what I want to do).

Let me give you a common example. I have talked to dozens and dozens of men who struggle with pornography (and most of us have). I have talked to married men, single men, church leaders, pastors, elders, new believers, long-time followers, young guys, older guys, fathers, husbands, etc. I have talked to men who struggle with porn occasionally, consistently, weekly, daily, even hourly. I have talked to men whose friends and family know of their struggles and many who have never told a single person about their secret outside of our conversation. Statistics reveal that most Christian men struggle consistently with the sins related to pornography. And the reality is that I have only talked to a small percentage of those who called me pastor or friend who actually struggle with this sin. Statistics don't lie. When I was teaching every Sunday, I assumed that most of the men who were listening struggled with some type of porn at some level.

So what does repentance look like in the life of the man who wrestles with this type sin? Ideally repentance means that this person turns from his sin and stops looking at pornography completely, never has another lustful thought, and surrenders his thought life to the control of the Holy Spirit and only thinks on things that are pure and holy. That would be true and genuine repentance. Is that reality? I am sure it has been on occasion. But the more common reality is that a man who has wrestled with this sin will continue to struggle with its power in his life and will most likely only fully overcome this sin through consistent repentance, true accountability, and a constant surrender of his heart and mind to Jesus. In this instance, repentance is an ongoing process of constant confession and consistent victory that hopefully leads to a life more clearly marked by holy thinking than impure thoughts and actions. Repentance is an ongoing process.

Name any sin you want and the repentance process is often the same. Let me give you another example. Guess how many people through the years have approached me and asked me to forgive them for gossip or slander? Less than one (translated zero). Does that mean gossip or slander have never occurred? Of course not. Gossip and slander among Jesus followers toward other people and/or Christians (particularly leaders) is commonplace. Does that mean the gossip or slanderer has repented of his/her sin? I don't know. But evidently not to the point he/she felt compelled to ask for forgiveness for their sin to the person he/she sinned against. What does genuine repentance look like in this person's life? Is it instantaneous? Or is it an ongoing process in the life of the genuine believer that leads us to gossip less and encourage more?

What about greed or pride or jealousy or anger or gluttony? What about cutting corners on our taxes or telling half truths or stealing God's tithe? What does genuine repentance look like in these everyday sins that are more widespread and easier to dismiss?

So what does genuine repentance look like for the person who has an ongoing struggle with porn? What does it look like for the gossip? the liar? the cheat? the adulterer? the pastor neglecting his family for his ministry? the critic? the dad/mom neglecting their children because they are chasing bigger and better stuff? What does repentance look like in everyday life for the Jesus follower who finds him/herself struggling again with the same sin over and over?

I don't have the final answer to this tension. It seems to be an issue with which a lot of sincere God followers struggle and with which a lot of people in the Bible wrestled. What I do know is this: repentance is an ongoing process. Turning from our sin and to God is a daily battle. The call to die to oneself and live for Jesus is a never ending journey. The need to confess our sin is constant.

I am a sinner. I sin. You are a sinner. You sin. It is often easier for me to define repentance in your life than it is mine. That's why repentance must begin in my own heart. It must begin with me being real with God and with others. It must begin with God doing a transforming and ongoing work in my heart. How long does that process take? I'm not sure it ends in this lifetime.

In recent months, God has exposed the depth of my own depravity in a way that has brought me to my knees and has led me to a deeper and fresh understanding of my own repentance and His unconditional forgiveness. He continues to reveal my sinful heart and my constant need for true repentance and divine grace. And as He purges my heart and transforms my soul, repentance takes on a new perspective. And what I am learning is that it is not always as simple as I sometimes want to make it which causes me to realize just how deeply I need his grace.

What does repentance look like in your life? At its most basic level, it means that you are turning from your sin and to God. What does that look like in everyday life where we continue to struggle with our own sin? That's what God is teaching me.

So the next time we hear someone playing the grace card, maybe we should assume less that they are trying to justify their sin and assume more that God is leading them to a place of deep and meaningful repentance which results in a natural celebration of and reflection on His grace.

I believe in repentance. I believe in its necessity. And I believe that it is an ongoing process of the heart that makes us more like Jesus and less like us.

I love God's promise in 1 John 1:9 - a promise written to Jesus followers. "But God is faithful and fair. If we admit that we have sinned, he will forgive us our sins. He will forgive every wrong thing we have done. He will make us pure." And that's just the kind of God we serve!

God isn't Done with Us

2011-12-01T19:02:00.000-06:00

One of the fascinating aspects of the Jonah story is the fact that even after Jonah's face-to-fish encounter, he still does not seem to get it. Jonah is regurgitated on the seashore and instructed by God to fulfill his original calling - go preach to the Assyrians. So after receiving a monumental second chance (and quite the fish tale in the process) and after what appears to be a heartfelt time of repentance, Jonah heads to Ninevah and proclaims God's message. But from all indications, he does so not because he has a heartfelt desire for the Assyrians to turn to God. He does so because life in the intestines of a giant fish is the opposite of pleasant.

Even after God's incredible work of salvific grace in Jonah's life, he is still a disgruntled prophet who obeys more out of fear of what could happen than out of an intense love for God or a passion to see people far from God turn to God. In essence, Jonah is still a work in progress. As a matter of fact when the book of Jonah ends, there is no indicator of any sort that the prophet's attitude changed in any way. If anything, he is still pouting and ticked at God.

The story of Jonah teaches us so much about our tendency to be mad at God for being God (see my earlier post here) & the reality that repentance and sanctification are often an ongoing process. I believe that we tend to trust God's grace and work for salvation but have difficulty trusting God's grace and work for sanctification. In other words, we are all about salvation-by-grace-through-faith-plus nothing-minus nothing (full blown Reformation sola fida theology) when it comes to a person being made right with God in terms of their justification. But when it comes to sanctification, we tend to trust more in our human-created lists and rules. After all, the external is easier to judge and simpler.

And yet the Bible is filled with people who are constantly stumbling their way through life and yet God used them in a tremendous way to accomplish His purposes. When you read the actual and raw stories of the flannelgraph heroes of Sunday School, it reads like a Most Wanted list. God uses imperfect people. Church history is also filled with them.

Jonah was "under construction" when God used him to deliver a message that brought an entire city to its spiritual knees. And how did Jonah celebrate this spiritual awakening? He sat on the hillside outside of the city, broke out the popcorn, and waited to watch Sodom and Gomorrah: the sequel. Does that sound like a man whom God had just used to influence thousands of people?

Justification is instant. However, Sanctification is a process. Spiritual growth is a process. Repentance can be a process. At salvation, we are instantly and eternally justified before God. But also at salvation, we begin a process of BEING transformed into Christ-likeness.

As I learn to live in grace-motivated obedience, I am made more like Jesus and less like me. And yet there are moments and even seasons where our humanity surfaces in ways that can cause people to question our faith itself. It is during those seasons that we can find ourselves so far from God that we can even limit our usefulness in His kingdom. Jonah landed in the belly of a fish because he was running from God. He was ineffective for a time because God was refining His prophet - He was transforming him. Yet God was not finished with Jonah. He did not leave him in his temporary refinery. He did not leave him lying on the beach in whale vomit. Jonah's repentance was not complete (as evidenced at the story unfolds) but God still had a purpose for Jonah - a purpose that was bigger than the human instrument himself.

And that is a brutal reality that each of us must face at times: God's purposes are bigger than us. His calling is never about us. His story is never about us. It is always about Him. The hero of the Jonah story is not Jonah, or the whale, or the Assyrians who turned from their wicked ways. The hero of the Jonah story is God - a God who provides second chances - second chances for depraved people in need of a Savior, second chances for God followers who are being transformed into His image, and second chances for people just like you and just like me.

As I learn more about God's grace and the depth of His unconditional forgiveness, I have a deeper desire to follow this God who pursues us with this type of love. Grace is not an excuse to live in sin. Grace is an escape from sin - from both its eternal consequences and its daily stranglehold. And yet when we do allow sin's power to imprison us - when we do find ourselves lying in the puke of our own sinful decision making, God's relentless grace is there to pick us up, clean us up, and prepare us for use in His bigger picture. And that's just the kind of God we serve.

Mad at God for being God

2011-11-29T12:26:00.000-06:00

This past Sunday I heard a message on the story of Jonah: Mr. Second Chance. It reminded me of a series I taught a few years ago on the book of Jonah. During that series we spent 4 weeks looking at the four chapters of this Old Testament story of a prophet who was more than willing to receive God's grace when it was extended to him but unwilling to accept it when it was offered to those outside his comfort zone. The series was entitled Escape because at its heart that is what grace is: God providing an undeserved escape for us in spite of our sin. The story of Jonah revolves around the idea that God provides a means of escape for a wayward prophet who is trying to "escape" his divine mandate & ultimately God providing a means of escape for a people group who deserved anything but forgiveness and mercy.

The most fascinating part of the Jonah story to me is the last chapter. After God delivered Jonah from certain death (and from himself) and after Jonah witnesses one of the greatest moments of genuine repentance and salvific intervention in Old Testament history, Jonah gets angry at God for providing mercy to people Jonah felt deserved more severe consequences for their actions. In essence, Jonah gets mad at God for being God!

After God informs the prophet that he will spare the Assyrians due to their genuine repentance and His lovingkindness, Jonah basically shakes his fist in God's face and yells, "I knew you would do this! I knew you would show mercy and grace - that's why I didn't want to come. You are a loving God and your nature is to forgive and show grace - and they don't deserve it!" Jonah is ticked at God for being who God is - the same God who because of who He is just forgave and rescued Jonah himself! It is hard to imagine that the Jonah in chapter 4 is the same Jonah who cried out to God for personal deliverance in chapter 2.

It is ironic how we often resent God for being God. We long for God to show us mercy and grace and forgiveness when we sin, but if and when someone else sins in a manner that is different than our transgression, our natural tendency is to want that person to suffer at some level that we feel is just and fair in our own fallen minds. If we are honest with ourselves, we want people to face consequences. We want people who sin in certain ways to suffer. We cringe at the idea of God simply forgiving that person without suffering the consequences we believe they deserve. There is a Jonah lurking in each of us.

I will never forget when I was in a season of life where because of some sinful choices I made that I needed some people to be Jesus to me whether they agreed with my choices or not. During this time, I had some precious friends who reached out to me and offered me a place to live (without ever approving of my choices). They did it simply because they believed God led them to do so. After all, they wanted to live the type of love they saw modeled repeatedly by Jesus in the Gospels. Yet it was sobering how many Jesus followers, who have experienced undeserved grace at the highest level through the cross, tried to dissuade this couple from providing me a refuge. Well-intentioned yet wounded Christians wanted me to face the consequences they believed I deserved. Yes there is a Jonah lurking in each of us (particularly when we are hurt).

And guess what? I have been guilty of the same attitude. I have found myself desiring punishment over mercy, consequences over grace, rejection over love. I have found myself sitting alongside Jonah in the hillside bleachers overlooking Ninevah mad at God for being God - angry at God for showing mercy when I believed the opposite was due. Yes there is a Jonah lurking inside of me.

Consequences happen with or without my consent. Consequences are a natural by-product of our choices. What God is teaching me is that it is not my job to figure out which consequences are deserved and which are not. It is my calling to remember that we all deserve judgment and death and instead God offers grace and life. It is my calling to "forgive as Christ forgives me" (quite a monumental calling when you pull back the curtain).

I pray that I can be the kind of Jesus follower who rejoices when God extends grace to those I feel do not deserve it. After all, that's what He does for me!

My Thankful List

2011-11-23T08:25:00.000-06:00

Paul instructs the Thessalonian Christians to give thanks in all circumstances. My "thankful list" looks a little different this year based on life's circumstances. And although 2011 has been my toughest year to date, here are some things I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving:

- Jesus: your unconditional love and forgiveness gives me life and hope.
- The Gospel: I am in more need of its healing power than ever.
- The Cross: He bled out for my issues.
- Grace: its magnitude dwarfs my sins.
- Second Chances: He is the God of them.
- Jesus followers: many of them have been His hands and feet to me this year.
- The Healer: He is putting my heart back together.
- Brokenness: not easy to go through but necessary for true healing.
- Family: their love through this season has demonstrated the love of our Heavenly Father.
- My Kids: they love me in spite of me.
- My Wife: your love for me through this season blows my mind.

1 Thessalonians 5.18: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Getting My Way

2011-11-16T10:59:00.000-06:00

One of the central components of the Christian faith is the doctrine of sin. We believe God acted on our behalf because there was a spiritual need for His intervention. In other words, our sin creates a need for redemption.

We are sinners. We need a Savior. God acted on our behalf.

The Bible speaks frequently of sin. As a matter of fact, there are over 20 different words utilized in the original languages to portray the various dimensions of sin. There is no way for me to unpack the depth of the subject of sin in a single blog post. However, I do want to mention a couple of key ideas that help define sin and why grace is so radical in light of sin’s nature.

One of the chief images of sin most often employed in the NT is the idea of “missing the mark.” Paul conveys it as “falling short” of God’s standard (Rom 3:23). In other words, the holy nature of God requires perfection and simply put: we are not perfect. We “fall short” of God’s mandate. We are incapable of meeting God’s requirement. That’s why the belief that Jesus was sinless is so important. He did what we cannot do: fulfill God’s requirement of perfection.

Another common depiction of sin in the Bible relates to our conscious willingness to choose our path over God’s. In other words, we know what is right and what is wrong and we choose wrong. We willfully choose disobedience. Think Eve in the Garden of Eden. God says, “Do not eat from this tree.” Eve says, “Thanks for the free fruit.” She knew God’s direct command and she chose the opposite. She got her way. That’s what sin is: getting my way – choosing my path over God’s.

Put these two images together and you can see why it is difficult for us to wrap our minds around God’s radical grace.

When we sin, we miss God’s mark by choosing what is wrong. We choose our path over God’s. And guess what? God allows it to happen. God did not stop Adam & Eve. He did not set up a “pre-sin” intervention. He simply allowed it to happen. It is an essential part of the story. I would go so far as to say He KNEW it would happen and did nothing to prevent it. Instead of stopping the sin, He put a plan of redemption in place.

How does this truth relate to us in 2011?

Sin is getting our way – regardless of the sin itself.

The liar chooses to lie to protect or promote him or herself.

The porn addict chooses lust over purity.

The gossip chooses slander over silence.

The adulterer chooses his or her own selfish path over God’s.

The person who refuses to give chooses greed over generosity.

The person who refuses to forgive chooses bitterness over reconciliation.

You name the sin and the core nature of it is the same regardless of the name. Sin is getting our way. It is looking God’s direct command in the face and choosing the opposite (or a tainted form of it).

That’s why grace is so radical. God allows us to get our way and still chooses to redeem us. And as illustrated time and again in the Bible, He often allows us to get our way for extended periods of time. The Prodigal Son only returned home after getting his way in the most radical terms. He squandered everything his father had provided for him before returning home.

From the opening scene of the Bible, God allows humans to choose sin and yet He still pursues and redeems them.

In a sense, grace is convenient. That's what makes us squirm even when we read or hear those words. Grace is our escape. It is our out. That’s what makes it radical. It is not earned or deserved. As a matter of fact the opposite is true: we do not deserve it. We can’t earn it.

Paul says in Romans that we choose sin and yet grace abounds. At its heart, grace flies in the face of human reasoning and our sense of justice. We struggle with a grace that is so big that it allows humans to get their way and still find forgiveness.

And yet if we are really honest with our own hearts, it is this radical grace upon which we all depend. It is so easy to point the finger to the person whose sin is different than ours and cry “convenience” when they seek or claim forgiveness. You know why? Few of us take our own sin that seriously. Few of us realize that every time we sin we are “getting our way.” Few of us comprehend that the type of grace God provides is beyond what we think is fair or right.

As I said earlier, there is no way in a single blog to cover every matter related to this complex issue. There are matters of repentance and obedience and self-denial that will have to be addressed at a later time. Those are other issues with which I wrestling.

But for now, let’s rejoice over the magnitude of a grace that covers our sin. After all, sin is getting your way. And grace is God pursuing and redeeming you regardless. And that is the radical nature of a God-initiated grace.

Joe Paterno & Romans 6:23

2011-11-10T10:06:00.000-06:00

The sports world is ablaze with discussions about the scandal at Penn State and the subsequent firing of long-term and esteemed coach Joe Paterno. Much of the debate regarding Paterno centers on consequences. What are the appropriate consequences for Paterno's apparent lack of response and follow-through in this horrific scandal? What is the apposite penalty for remaining uninvolved in such atrocious and inappropriate activity?

Appropriate or inappropriate consequences can be extremely subjective. What I have learned through personal experience is that everyone has an opinion on what the appropriate consequences should be for certain behaviors or sins. If you did __________, then you should face __________. This sin should result in these consequences. And if you do not face the consequences of choice, then people feel that you somehow escaped or got away with it. The difficulty in this scenario is that everyone's consequence of choice differs because everyone has an opinion on what is appropriate and inappropriate, enough or not enough, sufficient or insufficient.

Here's what the Bible says about sin's consequences: The wages (consequences) of sin is death (Rom 6:23). In other words, what we "deserve" for our sin is death. Death is the natural result of sin. When we sin, death is the by-product. Sin kills. Sin destroys.

When we sin, relationships are destroyed. When we sin, trust dies. When we sin, integrity is killed. When we sin, peace is eradicated. Sin often annihilates hope and faith and love. Sin kills everything sacred and pure and right. Sin leaves devastation, ruin, and destruction in its path. Bottom line: sin kills. And when we sin, the consequences of our sin is death.

Enter the gospel.

What Romans 3:23 goes on to assert is that the consequences of our sin is death, BUT God's undeserved gift of grace provided through Jesus is life - and not just any life but eternal life (think quality here and not just quantity). In other words, Jesus came to exchange life for death. Jesus came to take away sin's consequences and replace our deserved death penalty with eternal life. Jesus came to overthrow the harshest penalty of sin: death itself. He died so that we might live.

Sin has consequences. I live with the consequences of my sin every day of my life. I am constantly reminded of the consequences of my actions. I am constantly told by others what my consequences should or should not be. That's simply the reality of sin and the reality of people - sin has consequences and people have opinions. And yet the gospel is bigger than both of those realities. What Jesus accomplished on the cross is bigger than the consequences of sin. And the gospel is bigger than what others believe, think, or say about us.

Jesus came to provide life. He came to overthrow sin's most severe consequences. He came to set us free from the eternal consequences of our sin. And that is good news.

Like everyone, I have an opinion on the Joe Paterno situation. I personally believe that if he willingly neglected to report to the appropriate authorities the shocking and sickening activity that took place under his watch, then the Penn State powers that be made the right decision to fire him. His choice to keep quiet has consequences. And the sin committed against those young boys destroyed things inside of them that few will ever experience. That's what sin does - it destroys.

And yet amidst this tragedy, we are reminded of the beauty of the gospel. However ugly our sin is and no matter what human consequences we are left to face because of our sin, Jesus came to answer the sin problem. He came to give life to those who are dead in their sins.

I think it is sad that Joe Paterno's illustrious career will end in such a tragic manner. And yet, the death of his career is the result of his sin (sin of omission in this case). But guess what? My sin has caused death as well. I have faced natural consequences for my choices as well. I deserve sin's penalty just like Joe Paterno, the administrators who remained quiet, and yes even the pedophile who raped the innocence of those young boys. Because we are all sinners, we all deserve to face sin's death sentence. And that's what makes the gospel so incredible. He exchanges what we don't deserve (eternal life) for what we deserve (death).

Paul's simple explanation of the gospel in Romans 6:23 reminds us of both of these truths: For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Wounded but Healing

2011-11-09T11:10:00.000-06:00

"By His wounds you are healed" (1 Peter 2:24)

These words leaped off the screen at me this morning when I was reading through 1 Peter. I have been intrigued with the life of Peter in recent weeks and I was reading through his final recorded letters this morning seeking some fresh insight into this capricious disciple. I wrote some of my thoughts on Peter in an earlier post. In that blog I ruminated on the process that was required in order for Peter to find his ultimate healing in Jesus. One of the truths that stands out to me regarding both my life and the life of Peter is that we tend to wound others because our own hearts are wounded. For that reason, we need healing in order to live whole and complete lives in Jesus.

As I read the words of Peter today, I realized again (but in a fresh way) that ultimate healing comes through what Jesus did on the cross. I do not believe that our human minds can fathom the magnitude of what happened on the cross when Jesus died. The longer I follow Jesus the more hesitant I become to put limits on what was or was not accomplished on the cross. One thing I know for sure is that the work that was accomplished there goes beyond what my mind can grasp.

This morning I was reminded that the suffering of Jesus on the cross provides ultimate healing for my wounded soul. By His wounds I am healed. He was wounded so that my wounds might be repaired. Just a few sentences earlier, Peter asserts "He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right." My heart is spiritually wounded because of sin. So what did Jesus do? He personally took my sin so that I might be made whole. He died so that I might live.

I'm not sure I understand the magnitude of those words. For one, I still sin. That reality alone reminds me that I don't truly comprehend what Jesus did on the cross to make me whole. If I truly embraced what He did, sin would have less of a presence in my everyday life.

That's why the work of the gospel is a continual work. Salvation is more than an instantaneous transfer of eternal citizenship. Salvation is an ongoing process that continues to heal our sin-stricken souls and enable us to live less like me and more like Him.

God has been healing my heart in recent days in a way that goes beyond my own feelings of worth and value. In some ways I feel like He has been recreating a heart that had become so wounded and scarred that I often wondered if healing could even be found. And yet God is reminding me that true spiritual healing is not found through some human means or method. True healing is found in a work that has already been accomplished. True healing is found in the true Healer who came not just to restore blinded eyes and dormant limbs but who ultimately came to heal wounded hearts. A Healer who came to personally carry my sins in his body on the cross so that I might be made whole in Him.

His wounds make my ultimate healing possible.

R-rated

2011-11-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

“You can’t rewrite the story”

These words echoed in my mind early one morning. For whatever reason, I have always been a person who wakes up early in the morning and thinks. And one recent morning as I lay in the stillness of the morning and wrestled with some of my life choices, God impressed these words on my heart: “You can’t rewrite the story.”

Each of us has a life story and each of us has parts or chapters of our story that we would love to redo, unwind, or omit. Erratic decisions. Sinful choices. Damaged relationships. Errant seasons. Selfish moments. Poor planning. It would be so nice to get a “do-over” in life.

Each of us has parts of our story that forever altered the story of someone else – sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Our stories are intertwined with other life stories and when we make certain decisions, their stories are changed.

My life is a complex story. There are parts of my story that I love. There are parts of my story that I wish I could erase. There are parts of my story where God allowed me to shape the story of others in a way that brought Him glory. There are parts of my story that cause me to cringe because of the pain I caused. There are parts of the story that bring me great joy and parts that cause me to weep. My story is definitely more drama or tragedy than comedy.

One thing I love about the story of redemption that we call the Bible is that God doesn’t erase the chapters of the story that most of us would be tempted to conceal if they were a part of our family history. As a matter of fact, a central component of His story is that we are a people in need of redemption. In other words, the ugliness of our stories drives the very heart of His Story. From the opening scene of the human saga, we are introduced to three of the primary themes that would forever define the entire story. 1. We need redemption. 2. We can’t redeem ourselves (for the same reason we need redemption). 3. He did what we are incapable of doing: He became our means of redemption.

The Bible is filled with R-rated stories because God pursues and redeems R-rated people.

My story shapes me but it doesn’t have to define me. I can’t go back and rewrite it. There are early morning moments when I wish I could. But I can’t. It is my reality. But thankfully His Story intertwines with my story. His story edits my story. His story transforms my story – not in the sense that it erases it but in the sense that it redeems it. He redeems my story for His glory.

So in the end, my story is not about me. My story is about Him – a God who loves us in spite of us and who fills the pages of our story with His constant pursuit of us.

Labels

2011-11-03T12:09:00.000-05:00

As part of my healing process, God has been teaching me to learn to focus on my identity in Jesus and not what others think or say about me. He has been teaching me a lot about identity - where & in whom it is and is not found. As humans, we tend to label people based on their actions. Here are some of the labels that have been assigned to me recently:

Cheater. Liar. Manipulator. Unrepentant. Divorced. Deceiver. Hypocrite. Disqualified.

Labels hurt. And yet, most of these labels fit me at some human level. But the bigger and more important question is this: will I allow these labels to define me?

Perhaps even more difficult than the labels others assign us are the labels we consign ourselves. The names others prescribe us pale in comparison to the self-imposed marks that often haunt our own soul. Here are some of the self-assigned labels with which I struggle:

Unworthy. Guilty. Inadequate. Dishonest. Marked. Depraved. Undeserving. Unlovable. Unfit.

These are weighty labels that can shape how we live our lives. These labels can define you as a person, a spouse, a parent, an employee or employer, a Christ-follower and as a friend. We tend to keep these labels hidden from others and rarely do we share their pain because we do not want to be exposed for who we really are (or at least how we tend to view ourselves). The Enemy uses these labels to keep us down and defeated. He employs their power to prevent us from living the whole lives for which we were created. He exploits our labels to keep us from living in the victory provided for us on the cross.

Labels are crippling.

Here's what I am learning through my healing process: God exchanges our labels for His. And here is just a glimpse of how God sees us:

Loved. Forgiven. Justified. Accepted. Valuable. Redeemed. Chosen. Called.

I have been spending some time in Romans 8 recently and heard a message this week that reaffirmed this truth for me. In Romans 8, we are reminded that Jesus followers are permanent residents in the spiritual realm of "no condemnation" (8:1). While people and self-imposed labels condemn us, God has granted us, through what Jesus did, citizenship in the land of the no longer condemned. Later in this same chapter, Paul reminds us that one of the primary roles of the Holy Spirit is to constantly remind our hearts that we are children of God (8:13).

I picture the Holy Spirit declaring to me over and over: "Devin - you are a child of God. Regardless of what others say about you or what the Enemy whispers to you in the darkness of your heart, you are a child of God. You will not be defined by their labels or your labels. You will be defined by how God sees you. Believe it. Embrace it. And live like it. "

The last section of Romans 8 is one of the most beautiful declarations in the New Testament of the unfathomable love of God displayed in Christ. It is a love from which we cannot be separated. It is a love intended to define us and how we live life.

People assign us labels for a reason. Usually they are deserved from the standpoint that our sinful condition results in sinful actions that often define us. That's why the label Paul most often makes use of to describe our condition outside of Jesus is sinner. So the one label that most clearly defines our spiritual condition outside of God's intervening grace is sinner. And that's why Romans 5:8 is so powerful: "God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

God exchanges our most condemning label (sinner) for His love, forgiveness, and redemption. Labels are ugly and that's what makes the gospel so beautiful. God intervened on our behalf. He nailed our ugliness to a cross and replaced it with His beauty. He turns our ashes into beauty. He makes beautiful things out of dust.

How do you see yourself? As others see you? As the Enemy would have you see yourself? Or as God sees you?

I am learning to embrace who I am in Jesus and as a result, He is healing my heart.

In the Healing Business

2011-11-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

I wound because I am wounded.

I have been wrestling with the depth of that statement in recent days. I hurt people because I am broken. My actions & words often wound other people. Why do we say or do things that cause such pain to those we claim to love? God has been teaching me that it is because I am in need of healing. The damage I cause is most often the result of my own degeneracy. I need Jesus to repair my brokenness. But here's what God is also teaching me: healing often takes time. And personal healing sometimes requires a lifetime.

When Jesus was on earth, there were times that he healed people instantaneously. He touched them (or spoke the word) and they were immediately and completely healed. Blind eyes could suddenly see. Diseased skin was immediately cleansed. Dormant limbs were fully restored. The activity of Jesus often produced instant and direct healing.

At other times, healing came over time. I am not necessarily referring to physical healing here but healing of the heart. Think about a person like Simon Peter. Peter was perhaps the most up-and-down follower of Jesus in the NT. On one hand, he was brash, impetuous, loud, aggressive, brazen, crass, vulgar, and impatient. Yet on the other hand, he was broken, devoted, reliable, humble, and committed. His story is marked by both tremendous faith and extreme doubt, momentous milestones and colossal failures, awe-inspiring loyalty and immense betrayal. His life with Jesus could be summed up with this phrase: a work in progress.

I am fascinated with the story of a guy who could commit so many major blunders at some of the most crucial times in the life of Jesus and yet he is the same person Jesus selects to preach one of the most important messages in the history of the church. During times Jesus needed Peter the most, he was absent and yet when it was time for God to select a disciple to deliver one of the most critical sermons of the first century, Peter was the first pick of the draft.

Not devoted John - the disciple Jesus loved and was there at the cross when Jesus died. Not dependable Andrew - the disciple always bringing someone else to Jesus. Not steady James - the disciple who always seemed to be in the inner circle without calling attention to himself. Not any of the other disciples who seemed to cause less chaos than Peter. God chose Peter - the same Peter who vehemently and coarsely denied Jesus a few weeks earlier.

What does this reality say about Peter? He was a broken person being healed by Jesus.

What does it say about Jesus? He is in the business of healing and using broken people for His purposes and glory.

There is no real evidence that Peter's healing ever reached completion on this earth. The last biographical information we have about him from the Bible indicates that he was still a work in progress until the end. At the end of John's gospel when Jesus offers him radical forgiveness and informs him that he will play one of the most significant roles in the development of the church, he selfishly worries more about his buddy John's destiny than his own. And later in the book of Acts, we discover that Peter goes toe-to-toe with the theological heavyweight champion Paul. He was an audacious troublemaker his entire story.

Only late in his ministry when he pens his letters do we get a glimpse of a Jesus follower who is finally reaching a place of fulfillment and healing. And from church history, we learn that Peter did suffer at the end of his life in a way that pointed people to Jesus and not the sailor-turned-saint who didn't seem to mind a little confrontation, controversy, and self-recognition.

The story of Peter reminds me that Jesus is in the healing business. Peter repaired broken nets. Jesus repairs broken people. Sometimes Jesus heals instantaneously. At other times, Jesus heals gradually.

I wound because I am wounded. But the good news is this: Jesus heals. He is in the business of repairing hearts. And with redemption comes healing - the healing of my own heart and hopefully (and eventually) the healing of those I have wounded.

The Healer - part 2

2011-10-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

Just a reminder for those reading this blog that my thoughts here are simply a reflection of what God is teaching me right now. Writing is a therapeutic release for me. Hopefully my words mirror the humility and brokenness of my heart as God heals me. And hopefully God can use my words to help you in your journey as well.

When we started Grace Point Church in North Las Vegas, we began with the philosophy that we believed God called us to help restore the shalom of our community. The Hebrew concept shalom in the Old Testament is most often translated peace but what our English translations often miss is that the idea runs much deeper than just the traditional understanding of peace - the absence of conflict.

Shalom has to do with wholeness, completeness. When we talked about restoring the shalom of our community, we meant that we believed God wanted us to help make our community a better place in every way - socially, spiritually, etc. We believed we were called to be Jesus to our community in a way that simply made our community a better place to live. How that translated into our everyday ministry is that we served our community in radical ways with no agenda. We served with no other reason than to simply be Jesus to the community in which God placed us. To use the NT phrase - we believe we were called to be light in our community - to shine Jesus.

The reason we believed that we were called to restore the shalom is because our community lacked wholeness - that's what sin does - it leaves people (and subsequently families & communities) lacking, incomplete, deficient. We need healing because sin leaves us broken - in need of healing.

When Jesus was on the earth, He healed. He restored shalom. He did so in masses but He also did so individually. He healed scores of people who may or not have believe in Him as Messiah. It is likely that He healed people who would soon scream "crucify Him" from the crowd. He healed both believers and unbelievers because that is what He does - He restores shalom. Jesus made His community a better place by healing brokenness.

But He also initiated personal healing. He often focused His attention upon single individuals who needed healing - a man lying by a pool for decades desperately longing for some paranormal moving of the waters, a demon-possessed madman who lived on the outskirts of town and terrorized citizens, a woman with a fatal blood malady, a blind beggar who cried out for healing to a passing vagabond whose faith was based primarily on the folklore that preceded Jesus, and on and on. The stories of people that Jesus went out of His way to heal are endless. He was restoring the shalom within individual persons.

In recent months, God has been teaching me that the path to whole living (shalom) only comes through the work of the Healer. As I mentioned in the previous post, I am a person in need of continual healing. My sin leaves me deficient - not whole. Yet God's spoken desire for me is to live a life of peace - of wholeness.

This peace, to which the Bible refers hundreds of times, is a peace that derives from Jesus Himself (John 14:27). It is a peace that stems from our right standing before God (Rom 5:1) and leads to a life of confidence (Rom 15:13). This peace is provided solely through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross (Col 1:20) and surpasses human comprehension as it stands watch over our hearts and minds (Phil 4:7).

When you study this biblical principle, you learn that the path to whole living comes strictly through God's healing work in our lives. He must intervene on our behalf to restore us to a place of complete healing. It works hand-in-hand with the biblical idea of redemption - that the story of the Bible is the story of God's continual pursuit of sinful humans in order to redeem them.

What I am learning is that healing is an ongoing process. We are a broken people who are being redeemed but that complete redemption takes place eventually. We are in constant need of healing - in constant need of the gospel. Salvation is not a one-time act that guarantees our entrance into heaven. Salvation is an ongoing process of restoring our wholeness. Salvation is a healing process that will reach its culmination when we one day exchange our brokenness for wholeness.

God is healing my heart. He is exposing my brokenness in a way that makes me cringe at times. Yet at the same time, He is reminding me that my ultimate healing comes only in Him - through His divine work of grace in my life. Not in opinions. Not in responses. Not in lack of responses. Not in perceptions or misconceptions. Not in what people think or say or believe about me. My healing comes only in Him.

I have been thinking about what it must have been like to be one of those people who lived for years with an incurable disease before Jesus healed them. Can you imagine the mix of emotions that must have accompanied being healed by Jesus?

It reminds me of the blind dude in John 9 who was healed by Jesus and then subsequently questioned at every level by those who should have celebrated his healing. I love his ultimate response when challenged: "it really doesn't matter what you think about me or Jesus - I don't really have all the answers - all I know is that I was blind yesterday and now I can see - and that's all that really matters."

I feel like the blind man of John 9 at times. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what others think or say or believe. What does matter is that Jesus is healing my heart. I am broken and he is repairing me. Not everyone will accept or believe that reality. Guess what? I don't blame them. I understand why those who walked by the blind beggar for years were skeptical of his sudden healing. Knowing me, I would have more than likely been a skeptic as well. But guess what? Ultimately it did not matter what others believed about him. What ultimately mattered was He had been touched by the Healer and his life would never be the same.

Do you think there was ever a time when those healed by Jesus thought it would be easier to go back to the way things were before? Do you think there was still a level of brokenness that surfaced on occasion that made them almost resent the fact they had been healed? Do you think there are times in this process that our brokenness emerges? Is Romans 7 legit? Are we in constant need of healing? I think we all know the answer to those questions. I'll unpack some of these thoughts in a later post. But for now, let's just be reminded that we are people in need of healing - that our wholeness (shalom) is found ultimately in the gospel. Ultimately Jesus is the source of our healing.

In need of healing? Yes
Finding healing in Him? Yes
Ongoing process? Yes
Trusting He will complete what He has begun? Yes

Shalom

The Healer

2011-10-21T10:43:00.000-05:00

One of the most common beliefs about Jesus is that He was a Healer. While Jesus was on earth He healed diseases, opened blinded eyes, enabled the deaf to hear and the mute to speak. He cleansed lepers and brought dormant limbs to life. He restored life to the dead. A large part of his popularity revolved around His ability and desire to heal. Multitudes flocked to Jesus with their sick loved ones and friends to find healing through the touch of the Great Physician. At other times, Jesus sought out certain individuals and provided one-on-one care for them. I am fascinated by these stories of individual healing. They reveal not only the supernatural power of Jesus over earth's contamination and infection but they also demonstrate the personal and unique care that Jesus exercises toward individuals. It displays the interactive work of God among both masses of people and individuals. His desire is for the individual to find healing. He is a personal God.

Recently God has been teaching me that Jesus is still the ultimate Healer. The need to be healed implies that something is incomplete. A blind eye can't perform its ultimate purpose: to provide sight. A mute tongue is unable to execute its primary task: to enable a person to speak. A lifeless hand is incapable of doing what it was created to do. A person in need of healing is incomplete in the sense that something is missing. We need someone to act on our behalf and restore us to our divine and whole purpose.

But what God has been teaching me is that the need for healing goes way beyond physical disabilities. As humans, we need healing because sin leaves us incomplete. Sin is our spiritual disability. It prevents us from finding our absolute wholeness in Jesus. Sin leaves us spiritually maimed, restricted, and incapacitated. Paul describes sin as "falling short/missing God's mark" (Rom 3.23). Sin creates a gap between our present shortcomings and wholeness in Jesus.

As a result we find ourselves scrambling to "fill the gap" with all sorts of things. There is no reason to regurgitate a list of "gap-fillers" because we all have our own moral or immoral efforts and practices upon which we rely to find find wholeness outside of Jesus - those idols we create and worship in our effort to find wholeness. We construct our functional saviors and seek to find healing in pseudo-deities who can't complete us.

I am a person who needs to be healed. I do not have some physical disability that limits my capacity to function (outside of my aging body). I am not blind or deaf or incapacitated. But I need healing. I need healing because I am a sinner and my sin leaves me incomplete. I need to be healed because only Jesus can make me whole. I have tried a lot of other means and methods to try and bring me fulfillment and completeness but they are spiritual placebos. Enter grace: the spiritual gap-filler.

What God is teaching me is that Jesus is the ultimate Healer. He is the only One who can heal my heart, who can repair injured relationships, who can bring life to what I have destroyed, who can make me complete. He is the Healer of hearts and souls. He alone can heal my deepest and darkest issues. He alone can restore my shalom. He alone can make me whole.

Spiritually speaking: I am broken. I am diseased. I am in desperate need of healing. I am in critical need of a Healer. Thankfully that is exactly who Jesus is.

God is teaching me more and more about my need to be healed and Jesus as the true Healer. Hopefully I can share more as my thoughts form. In the meantime...

This song has been more relevant to me than ever before in recent days. Ironically enough, it was written by a man who also was in desperate need of a spiritual Healer.

Be or De

2011-10-15T21:50:00.000-05:00

One of the random thoughts I have been processing lately...

Because of my sin, I put people in an awkward position. My life choices forced people to have to choose how to respond to me. I will live with that reality for a long time.

When we make sinful choices (or any choice with which others disagree for that matter), responses vary from person to person. Some agree. Others disagree. Some choose to withdraw. Others choose to reach out. Some offer grace. Others prefer judgment. Some resort to isolation. Others seek restoration. And to be honest, many simply do not know how to respond. I get that. My actions caused that.

I hurt people with my choices and as a result, some chose to defriend me. I use the term defriend here because it is a common and easy practice in our facebook-infused, social media world. If you dislike or disagree with someone, you can simply defriend them with the click of a mouse. So I use the term defriend emblematically (although it did happen literally as well).

Let me give examples of what I am talking about. After my sin was exposed publicly and properly, I was told by an influential pastor in my life and one of the most popular evangelical leaders in our time (who I will not name) that I was going to hell (along with a few other choice phrases I will not repeat here). I was defriended by people I led to Christ, by people I baptized, by people I married, by people I walked with through marital problems, divorces, adultery, and remarriages. I was defriended by people I love and who love me. I was defriended by people with whom I have laughed, cried, prayed, and served. I was defriended by friends, family members, mentors, and people I had mentored. I was defriended by people I was influenced by and people I influenced. I was defriended by people I taught and those who taught me, people I led and those who led me.

Let me say quickly: I'm not blaming those who made the choice to "defriend" me. I hurt them deeply. I betrayed and deceived them. So I am not passing blame in any way. I am simply stating reality. Our natural reaction when we are hurt (especially by someone we love or trust) is to withdraw - to defriend. Let's be honest: it is easier to defriend because loving sinners (especially those we love and who are making a choice with which we disagree) is messy and complicated and awkward. We are not wired to do it. It requires a divine intervention of grace.

However when we read the story of Jesus, it is clear that He chose to put Himself in situations that were uncomfortable for the religious people of His day. He chose to befriend sinners instead of defriending them. He chose to surround Himself with both people who were far from God and with those who were afraid, confused, arrogant, skeptical but following. He constantly found Himself with messy people (whether followers or not). He pursued them. He went out of His way to be near them. He went to their houses and parties. He loved them when others condemned them. He forgave them when others berated them. He befriended them even when He was sharply criticized by the religious for doing so. He befriended them to the point He was accused of being one of them. He was even labeled a friend of sinners.

Jesus was a friend of people just like me - jacked up sinners. He loves me in spite of me. He loves messy people. As a matter of fact, He gave His life for them. This truth is the heart of the gospel. It is what the good news of Jesus is all about: He died so that sinners might have life.

I am a reactionary person. I often react in the wrong manner. It is easy for me to defriend when I should befriend. I understand 100% why people responded the way they did to my sin. I have responded the exact same way at different times in my life. I will probably do so again in the future. Befriending sinners is tough and yet it is what Jesus did and calls us to do - not just in a facebook kind of way but in a way that shows them the love of Jesus in spite of who they are.

Over the past several months, God has put some incredible people in my life who have loved me in spite of me. None of them approved of my actions. None of them justified my behavior. None of them told me I was doing the right thing. They just loved me. They befriended me. They spoke truth into my life. Bottom line: they were simply Jesus to me.

God is helping me find healing. He has already forgiven me. He forgave me the moment I asked. And yet healing takes longer - it is a process. As I find healing, God is teaching me what it means to find grace and forgiveness in the friend who is closer than a brother - the One who not only talked about loving sinners but demonstrated it by befriending them and then dying for them.

Based on my own personal experience in recent years, I want more than ever to be the type of person who befriends before he defriends. I want to be that type of person because I have needed that type of person. More importantly, I want to be that type of person because that's the type of person Jesus is.

A Brief Update

2011-09-26T09:54:00.012-05:00

I have been receiving a number of e-mails, texts, etc asking me how I am doing so here's a brief overview of some of the things going on in my world for those interested.

I now live in North Alabama. I live here for one primary reason: to be near my children. Fortunately God has provided me a job where I can travel from any major airport so I live in North Alabama and fly in and out of Huntsville almost every weekend. I am blessed to have a schedule that allows me to be with the kids half the week and travel the other half. When I am home, I can focus on my family, the kids and building our new life in Alabama. I am thankful for the flexibility my career provides in that regard.

I am adjusting to life in the "country." It definitely has its advantages and disadvantages. Thankfully I get to visit some great cities throughout the country now so I get my "city fix" through my travel.

God is teaching me a lot about my own depravity, His incredible grace, the magnitude of what Jesus did on the cross, and the importance of protecting my heart. He is also teaching me how essential it is to rest in Him and not focus on the approval or disapproval of humans. As a person who has spent a lot of my life "in the spotlight" this is a difficult lesson to learn at times.

Admittedly the healing process I am going through is filled with ups and downs - good days and bad. I do have some key people who are speaking consistently into my life in a way that is straightforward yet grace-filled. God has put some solid pastors in my life who are investing in me at different levels. I am so grateful for these individuals God has put in my life at a time I needed them. God has definitely taught me through them what it means to "be Jesus" to someone in their darkest hours.

I struggle regularly with my desire to seek forgiveness from the many people I have hurt and yet reaching a place in my life where I feel "asking for forgiveness" is perceived as authentic. I am deeply sorry for my sinful choices. My choices have created consequences that are far-reaching and deep. I live with the reality of these consequences every day. In this process, I am discovering things about my own heart that would allow me to make these type choices. I have a long way to go and I believe it is an ongoing process of unpacking who I am and who He is.

What I do know is this: my heart is more sinful than I ever imagined & His grace is bigger than I ever imagined.

My Christian faith has always been a central yet somewhat cliche part of my life in some regard - that sounds strange considering how active I was involved in leading others in their faith journey. And yet for the first time I have no pretense on what it means to follow Jesus. For the first time in a long time I am experiencing a faith that is raw and real. I have no moral grounds upon which to stand so I am learning to rest totally in His righteousness and finished work.

God has challenged me recently to focus on how He views me and seeking to rebuild relationship with those who are the closest to me (which of course is also many of the same ones I hurt the deepest). Those are the primary steps I am taking right now.

Writing has always been an avenue for me to express what God is teaching me and I plan to do some introspective writing in the near future for those interested. It is more a form of therapy for me to wrestle with some difficult life lessons God is teaching me.

For those of you who are reading this update and have been hurt by my actions, I am so sorry. I do hope with time that I can find your forgiveness. Thankfully we believe in a God who offers and provides instantaneous forgiveness. It is His grace upon which I now rest more than ever. Continue to pray for me as your heart allows.

Devin