A lesson God is teaching me...
Godliness is more than a pithy Facebook status.
Godliness is more than a public persona.
Godliness is more than tweeting a Bible verse, a song lyric, or a quote from a popular book or Puritan.
Godliness is more than the image people have of you.
Godliness is more than what you say or even what you do.
You see a pithy Facebook status may get you the ever-popular thumbs up from a select group of your "friends" but it may not communicate the true status of your heart. Your public persona does not often reveal the secret sins of your private life. Tweeting a Bible verse, song lyric, or quote may win me favor with others but it may not portray my own lack of faith and failure to apply that particular truth. The image people have of you does not always expose the rest of the story. What you say and do may contradict what you claim or promote.
I have been guilty of talking godliness while living idolatry. I have been guilty of seeking human approval over safeguarding my heart. I have been guilty of hiding my secret sin in order to protect my public image. I have been guilty of concealing sin in order to obtain the affirmation of others.
The truth is only God knows our heart. Only God is the true Judge of godliness. Only God sees into our soul. Humans can only judge our godliness (or lack thereof) based on our words and actions - of which both are easy to manipulate. It is easy to say and do things to make people believe you are someone you are not. Humans are easy to fool. God - not so much. God looks deeper than words and actions. God examines our hearts.
The idea of godliness in the New Testament denotes two primary ideas: a) a God-ward attitude of priority, reverence, and faith that b) manifests itself in doing what pleases God (actions). Thus godliness always begins with one's proper attitude toward God that naturally results in obedient activity for God. So what might appear on the outside as godly actions might actually be selfish (and subsequently sinful) actions of they are performed without the proper attitude.
Here's where it gets tough ...
True godliness cannot be discerned through a Facebook status, tweet, quote, action, sermon, or any other form of outward performance. Don't get me wrong - these activities MIGHT reveal a godly heart but not necessarily. Only God knows our hearts - our desperately wicked hearts.
We love human approval. We seek it. We seek it intentionally at times. We seek it unknowingly at times. We seek it in what we say, what we do, where we go, what we post, what we portray. We seek it so that we might feel better about ourselves or avoid blame or protect our image. Sadly, we often seek it at the expense of our own relationship with God.
I have lived a very ungodly life at times while talking the opposite. I have lived for the approval of humans at the expense of my relationship with Jesus. I've lived the lie and eventually it caught up to me.
In his booklet The Christian Graces, James Tolle asserts, "The graces of virtue, knowledge, and self-control, as well as of patience, must be hallowed and inspired by godliness, so that the thought of God is brought into them all, so that they begin and end with God." Godliness begins in our heart - pursuing and finding our identity in what Jesus has done and not in what we do or do not do.
In other words, godliness is the motivating factor that drives us to know God, know who we are in Him, and in return be more like Him. As I reflect on this truth, I am not sure how it all plays out in every day life. But what I do know is that there are times when God strips away everything by which you have been defined so that He might recapture your heart in a way that forces you to repent of your own sin and seek to rest solely in who He is and not upon who you are. It is a tough, ongoing, and much-needed lesson.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Luke's Bookends
I've been thinking recently about what God is like based primarily on the empirical evidence provided. Sometimes it seems difficult to get an accurate depiction of God in the harshness of life. I have said on more than one occasion that I understand why there are so many skeptics - just look around. Sickness. Disease. War. Murder. Rape. Child molestation. Violence. Abuse. Slavery. Genocide. Corruption. And the list could go on and on. The world in which we live can be a cruel place.
Because we live in such a broken world I understand why the skeptic, or even the average person with a somewhat normal sense of human justice, might scratch their head and question what kind of God this God is. And to be honest, I'm not always sure the answers we construct in the name of theology do much to answer the heart of these concerns. We want to think our answers are sufficient and so we argue and defend and uphold and guard our sacred theological moorings in a way that even renders them pointless at times. After all if you are only talking within your own walls, then who is really listening?
When you consider life's cruelties, it is easy to wonder if God is there and if He is, does He even care? Yet ever since act one/scene one, the Bible asserts that God remains involved in the story. If this assumption is valid, then the brokenness is not a result of God pulling away. On the contrary, the evidence appears to suggest that God remains active even when we question His involvement. Not only does God remain engaged with His creation, but He even went so far as to become a part of it. And if we truly believe that Jesus is the supreme revelation of God (Hebrews 1), then His life stands as the linchpin of understanding who God is.
So what does the life of Jesus tell us about who God is? What does the story of Jesus tell us about the brokenness? What does Jesus tell us about God's perspective of the harshness? What does Jesus tell us about God?
If anything, the life of Jesus reminds us that God redeems the brokenness for His glory. Jesus became one of us in order to rescue sinners from the brokenness. The story of Jesus is a story of redemption - God intervening on our behalf to break the cycle of sin and death.
There are so many Jesus stories that attest to this truth. Let's think about just two. Consider the two accounts that bookend the life of Jesus in Luke's biography. When Jesus was born, God announced to a group of ragtag sinners: "A Savior has been born." The birth announcement of Jesus simply said Savior. Not theologian. Educator. Priest. Philosopher. Philanthropist. Scholar. King. Sage. Now any of those titles could be used to help define the life and ministry of Jesus but when it came time for God to reveal His name - He chose Savior - a title of redemption.
Fast forward to the waning moments of Jesus' life. He is strapped to a cross between two rebels - men condemned to die for their atrocities. Two of the Gospel writers inform us that these two men, along with the crowd, mocked Jesus. John provides no information about their interaction. Luke alone records a scene that reminds us of who God is. Luke tells us that one of the sinners, evidently even after mocking Jesus, makes one final desperate request of Jesus: "Remember me when you come into your kingdom." In a moment of frantic concern, this dying sinner cries out to Jesus for redemption. Jesus' response? "Today you will be with me in Paradise." This final scene just before Jesus breathes his last breath reminds us that He came to redeem sinners - frantic, desperate, dying sinners.
Think about this criminal hanging beside Jesus. He was a sinner dying for his crimes. He has just finished mocking Jesus. And now He wants forgiveness? Doesn't it seem a little convenient that he can make one desperate faith plea to Jesus and go straight to Paradise? Doesn't it seem unfair? A little too easy? Think about the people this man has hurt. The lives he destroyed. The pain he caused. The consequences he deserved. It just doesn't seem right. But isn't that what redemption is all about? God invading the brokenness.
Jesus encounters like this one remind me that God's scandalous grace is bigger than our theologies and formulas and presuppositions and opinions and systems and definitions and charts and interpretations or even our own sense of what is just and fair. It doesn't mean those things are unimportant. They are essential. It just means that if our human constructions cause us to lose sight of the reality that we can't restrict God to our human attempts to explain Him, then we have missed the heart of His own display of Himself. God is a Savior. He redeems sinners. He came to heal the spiritually sick.
What is God like? Honestly our theological boxes cannot contain the magnitude of who God is. We are being naive to think we can restrict God to our own tainted answers and opinions. But when we examine God when He appeared as one of us, one thing is clear: He is a God who enters our brokenness in order to redeem us from our sins. God's manifestation of Himself screams, Savior. And because we are all desperate sinners hanging with a spiritual death sentence of our own making, the gospel, the story of Jesus, truly is good news.
Because we live in such a broken world I understand why the skeptic, or even the average person with a somewhat normal sense of human justice, might scratch their head and question what kind of God this God is. And to be honest, I'm not always sure the answers we construct in the name of theology do much to answer the heart of these concerns. We want to think our answers are sufficient and so we argue and defend and uphold and guard our sacred theological moorings in a way that even renders them pointless at times. After all if you are only talking within your own walls, then who is really listening?
When you consider life's cruelties, it is easy to wonder if God is there and if He is, does He even care? Yet ever since act one/scene one, the Bible asserts that God remains involved in the story. If this assumption is valid, then the brokenness is not a result of God pulling away. On the contrary, the evidence appears to suggest that God remains active even when we question His involvement. Not only does God remain engaged with His creation, but He even went so far as to become a part of it. And if we truly believe that Jesus is the supreme revelation of God (Hebrews 1), then His life stands as the linchpin of understanding who God is.
So what does the life of Jesus tell us about who God is? What does the story of Jesus tell us about the brokenness? What does Jesus tell us about God's perspective of the harshness? What does Jesus tell us about God?
If anything, the life of Jesus reminds us that God redeems the brokenness for His glory. Jesus became one of us in order to rescue sinners from the brokenness. The story of Jesus is a story of redemption - God intervening on our behalf to break the cycle of sin and death.
There are so many Jesus stories that attest to this truth. Let's think about just two. Consider the two accounts that bookend the life of Jesus in Luke's biography. When Jesus was born, God announced to a group of ragtag sinners: "A Savior has been born." The birth announcement of Jesus simply said Savior. Not theologian. Educator. Priest. Philosopher. Philanthropist. Scholar. King. Sage. Now any of those titles could be used to help define the life and ministry of Jesus but when it came time for God to reveal His name - He chose Savior - a title of redemption.
Fast forward to the waning moments of Jesus' life. He is strapped to a cross between two rebels - men condemned to die for their atrocities. Two of the Gospel writers inform us that these two men, along with the crowd, mocked Jesus. John provides no information about their interaction. Luke alone records a scene that reminds us of who God is. Luke tells us that one of the sinners, evidently even after mocking Jesus, makes one final desperate request of Jesus: "Remember me when you come into your kingdom." In a moment of frantic concern, this dying sinner cries out to Jesus for redemption. Jesus' response? "Today you will be with me in Paradise." This final scene just before Jesus breathes his last breath reminds us that He came to redeem sinners - frantic, desperate, dying sinners.
Think about this criminal hanging beside Jesus. He was a sinner dying for his crimes. He has just finished mocking Jesus. And now He wants forgiveness? Doesn't it seem a little convenient that he can make one desperate faith plea to Jesus and go straight to Paradise? Doesn't it seem unfair? A little too easy? Think about the people this man has hurt. The lives he destroyed. The pain he caused. The consequences he deserved. It just doesn't seem right. But isn't that what redemption is all about? God invading the brokenness.
Jesus encounters like this one remind me that God's scandalous grace is bigger than our theologies and formulas and presuppositions and opinions and systems and definitions and charts and interpretations or even our own sense of what is just and fair. It doesn't mean those things are unimportant. They are essential. It just means that if our human constructions cause us to lose sight of the reality that we can't restrict God to our human attempts to explain Him, then we have missed the heart of His own display of Himself. God is a Savior. He redeems sinners. He came to heal the spiritually sick.
What is God like? Honestly our theological boxes cannot contain the magnitude of who God is. We are being naive to think we can restrict God to our own tainted answers and opinions. But when we examine God when He appeared as one of us, one thing is clear: He is a God who enters our brokenness in order to redeem us from our sins. God's manifestation of Himself screams, Savior. And because we are all desperate sinners hanging with a spiritual death sentence of our own making, the gospel, the story of Jesus, truly is good news.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Speak the Truth. In Love.
"Speaking the truth in love"
This phrase is one that we hear tossed around a lot in Christian and non-Christian circles. I have used this expression multiple times in regard to parenting, rebuking a fallen Christian, calling out some pet sin, and a number of other circumstances when I felt a need to justify my words or tone. In more recent times, it has been a frequent axiom others have repeated to validate their words and/or actions toward me.
Although this particular phrase is seldom used in Scripture, the biblical principles of speaking the truth and being loving toward those with whom we are communicating are recurrent and important.
However applying both of these congruent principles can be a difficult balance to strike. Based on our own personality and how we tend to deal with conflict, we will usually fault to one side or the other. For those who are more forthright in their communication and take a more direct approach when it comes to conflict resolution, speaking the truth comes natural. And for those who seek reconciliation or answers in a more gentle manner, the love part of the equation comes more naturally.
I know that I have had a tendency in the past to speak my mind in a way that was not always Christ-honoring while justifying my approach with the speak the truth mentality. Often I would take my justification one step further by saying, "Because I love you, I am going to say this." Is there a biblical rationalization for this approach? Absolutely. The Bible is filled with instructions to speak the truth regardless of the recipient's response.
But what do you do when the person to whom you are speaking already knows the truth intimately? This scenario presents a more difficult challenge. For example, what would you do if a family member whom you loved deeply was driving their car toward a guaranteed catastrophe? Initially you would probably let that person know with passion of the pending threat: "The bridge is out. Turn around. If you don't, you could die." Speak the truth. But what happens if that same family member knows of the pending threat and yet knowingly continues down that same path? What approach would you take? Would you begin to scream insults or implement guilt or shame to try and invoke them to stop? Or would you attempt to communicate with that person how much you love them, how much they would be missed, and how much they are valued? Which approach is the appropriate one? I'm not sure.
At some point, the person who knows of the pending danger and yet continues down the same path simply ignores or stops hearing the truth-bearer. The truth can become irrelevant simply because of the tone. While the truth is always true, one's approach might dictate whether that truth falls on deaf ears. On the other hand, the one who focuses on loving the person may fail to communicate the urgency of the danger.
I believe it requires a lot of wisdom to know how to strike the balance between these two worlds. I know in my own experience that I was more prone to listen to those who spoke into my life in a way that demonstrated the love of Jesus. I knew the truth. I knew the bridge was out. I had plenty of people reminding me of the truth. And as a result, the warnings soon became somewhat superfluous - not because the warnings were untrue but because I already knew the truth. On the other hand, God placed a group of people in my life who were able to say, "Devin I totally disagree with your decision making right now but I love you and I will walk with you through this process. My love does not hinge on your decisions."
While both approaches are valid in different scenarios, it was the latter approach that God was able to use most effectively in my life.
I have three children with three different personalities. If I try and take the same approach to discipline and instruction with each of them, I will do a disservice to at least one of them. A more direct, firm approach is needed in some circumstances. And a more loving, compassionate tone is needed in other situations. Both are valid and both are necessary based on the child and the situation.
The same is true as we seek to navigate the difficult waters of speaking the truth in love to those who have fallen by the wayside or are living a life headed toward destruction.
Not too long ago, one of my closest mentors when I was in ministry e-mailed me to let me know that God has spoken to him in his quiet time about me. He and I had a few exchanges following my fall and he had spoken the truth candidly and repeatedly. Everything he said was 100% true and I knew it. Yet his words were unable to penetrate my calloused heart because I had already heard what he was saying so many times. As a matter of fact, I had preached the exact same thing multiple times and said the exact same things to dozens of people who came to me while living in some type of sin. His rebuke became redundant.
And yet this time, what he said penetrated my heart in a different way. In his e-mail, this mentor referenced Paul's instructions in Galatians 6:1 where the spiritually mature are called upon to deal with those caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness and to take their fall as a reminder to guard our own hearts because each of us are vulnerable. His words demonstrated a compassion, sincerity, and honesty that I had not felt from him before that moment. Did he change his mind on what he believed I should do? Absolutely not. Did he compromise his beliefs? In no way. But his approach and tone spoke the truth louder to me than anything he had said before.
Jesus Christ is THE truth. Every time He spoke He was speaking the truth. And yet His greatest act was not telling people how depraved, condemned, and ignorant they are. His greatest act was when He lovingly laid down His life for the depraved, condemned, and ignorant. God so loved the world that He gave. No one could ever accuse Jesus of failing to speak the truth and yet it is His demonstration of unconditional love that bridges the gap between a perfect God and imperfect humans.
Speak the truth in love. I'm not sure I have the answer on how both of these two directives work together most effectively. Well-meaning Jesus followers will often fall short on both sides of the adage. And yet understanding how and when to implement this principle might be the key to helping that disobedient child, fallen Christian, or confused sinner find redemption, healing, and restoration.
As Jesus phrased it to his disciples, we must learn to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matt 10:16) - a tough but necessary balance to find.
This phrase is one that we hear tossed around a lot in Christian and non-Christian circles. I have used this expression multiple times in regard to parenting, rebuking a fallen Christian, calling out some pet sin, and a number of other circumstances when I felt a need to justify my words or tone. In more recent times, it has been a frequent axiom others have repeated to validate their words and/or actions toward me.
Although this particular phrase is seldom used in Scripture, the biblical principles of speaking the truth and being loving toward those with whom we are communicating are recurrent and important.
However applying both of these congruent principles can be a difficult balance to strike. Based on our own personality and how we tend to deal with conflict, we will usually fault to one side or the other. For those who are more forthright in their communication and take a more direct approach when it comes to conflict resolution, speaking the truth comes natural. And for those who seek reconciliation or answers in a more gentle manner, the love part of the equation comes more naturally.
I know that I have had a tendency in the past to speak my mind in a way that was not always Christ-honoring while justifying my approach with the speak the truth mentality. Often I would take my justification one step further by saying, "Because I love you, I am going to say this." Is there a biblical rationalization for this approach? Absolutely. The Bible is filled with instructions to speak the truth regardless of the recipient's response.
But what do you do when the person to whom you are speaking already knows the truth intimately? This scenario presents a more difficult challenge. For example, what would you do if a family member whom you loved deeply was driving their car toward a guaranteed catastrophe? Initially you would probably let that person know with passion of the pending threat: "The bridge is out. Turn around. If you don't, you could die." Speak the truth. But what happens if that same family member knows of the pending threat and yet knowingly continues down that same path? What approach would you take? Would you begin to scream insults or implement guilt or shame to try and invoke them to stop? Or would you attempt to communicate with that person how much you love them, how much they would be missed, and how much they are valued? Which approach is the appropriate one? I'm not sure.
At some point, the person who knows of the pending danger and yet continues down the same path simply ignores or stops hearing the truth-bearer. The truth can become irrelevant simply because of the tone. While the truth is always true, one's approach might dictate whether that truth falls on deaf ears. On the other hand, the one who focuses on loving the person may fail to communicate the urgency of the danger.
I believe it requires a lot of wisdom to know how to strike the balance between these two worlds. I know in my own experience that I was more prone to listen to those who spoke into my life in a way that demonstrated the love of Jesus. I knew the truth. I knew the bridge was out. I had plenty of people reminding me of the truth. And as a result, the warnings soon became somewhat superfluous - not because the warnings were untrue but because I already knew the truth. On the other hand, God placed a group of people in my life who were able to say, "Devin I totally disagree with your decision making right now but I love you and I will walk with you through this process. My love does not hinge on your decisions."
While both approaches are valid in different scenarios, it was the latter approach that God was able to use most effectively in my life.
I have three children with three different personalities. If I try and take the same approach to discipline and instruction with each of them, I will do a disservice to at least one of them. A more direct, firm approach is needed in some circumstances. And a more loving, compassionate tone is needed in other situations. Both are valid and both are necessary based on the child and the situation.
The same is true as we seek to navigate the difficult waters of speaking the truth in love to those who have fallen by the wayside or are living a life headed toward destruction.
Not too long ago, one of my closest mentors when I was in ministry e-mailed me to let me know that God has spoken to him in his quiet time about me. He and I had a few exchanges following my fall and he had spoken the truth candidly and repeatedly. Everything he said was 100% true and I knew it. Yet his words were unable to penetrate my calloused heart because I had already heard what he was saying so many times. As a matter of fact, I had preached the exact same thing multiple times and said the exact same things to dozens of people who came to me while living in some type of sin. His rebuke became redundant.
And yet this time, what he said penetrated my heart in a different way. In his e-mail, this mentor referenced Paul's instructions in Galatians 6:1 where the spiritually mature are called upon to deal with those caught in sin with a spirit of gentleness and to take their fall as a reminder to guard our own hearts because each of us are vulnerable. His words demonstrated a compassion, sincerity, and honesty that I had not felt from him before that moment. Did he change his mind on what he believed I should do? Absolutely not. Did he compromise his beliefs? In no way. But his approach and tone spoke the truth louder to me than anything he had said before.
Jesus Christ is THE truth. Every time He spoke He was speaking the truth. And yet His greatest act was not telling people how depraved, condemned, and ignorant they are. His greatest act was when He lovingly laid down His life for the depraved, condemned, and ignorant. God so loved the world that He gave. No one could ever accuse Jesus of failing to speak the truth and yet it is His demonstration of unconditional love that bridges the gap between a perfect God and imperfect humans.
Speak the truth in love. I'm not sure I have the answer on how both of these two directives work together most effectively. Well-meaning Jesus followers will often fall short on both sides of the adage. And yet understanding how and when to implement this principle might be the key to helping that disobedient child, fallen Christian, or confused sinner find redemption, healing, and restoration.
As Jesus phrased it to his disciples, we must learn to be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (Matt 10:16) - a tough but necessary balance to find.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
This post is kind of a part two from my One Year Later post earlier this week. I want to qualify my words again because it is so important to remember. I write primarily as a form of healing. I received tons of positive feedback from my last post. It is my most read blog ever but please know that I do not write to receive praise. I am encouraged when someone is helped through my words but I lived in the world of seeking to please humans too long. I write primarily to express what God is teaching me so that a) Jesus is lifted up, b) people are reminded of our continual need of His grace, c) healing can take place, and d) someone who is following the path I took might second guess their decisions.
In light of everything that has happened, let me share with you some of the good, the bad, and the ugly (although I am going to mix up the order - sorry Clint Eastwood). I will be candid.
THE BAD
When I think about the bad, I am reminded of my own sin and my continual need for repentance and forgiveness. God has been teaching me a lot about repentance lately. Repentance is such a heart issue. It is so personal. If you doubt its intimacy, just read the Psalms. The struggle with repentance is that no one one knows your heart and everyone seems to know what repentance should or should not look like in your life. That's why repentance is primarily between the sinner and God. That being said, repentance also manifests itself outwardly. One of the evidences of repentance is seeking forgiveness from those you have sinned against. I have been in the process of asking forgiveness.
I hurt a lot of people. I sinned against a lot of people. I am not always sure who deserves an apology and who does not. And I have also learned that regardless of what you say or do that it may or may not be enough for the injured party. People will question your sincerity, your method, your words, your motive, and just about anything and everything related to this difficult process. That's why ultimately the person asking forgiveness must do what God calls us to do and leave the results to Him.
However, there are certain people that I sinned against who I believe deserve a public (and private) apology. I have asked for forgiveness from many of these people and most of them have extended me that grace. I also understand forgiveness is a process and I am learning to trust God with that process.
God. Above anyone else, I sinned against God. I sinned against the God who gave me life. I have repented of my sin before Him and asked for His forgiveness. Thankfully He is the God who forgives completely and fully without reservations or limitations.
Starla. I was married to Starla for 20 years. I betrayed her in more ways than one. I violated our marriage covenant. I sinned against her. There is no excuse for what I did to her. I will live with that reality for a long time. I have asked for her forgiveness.
My Children. I sinned against my kids. I failed to be the father God called me to be in their lives. I live with the consequences of my sin against them every day. Their grace and forgiveness toward me in spite of me blows my mind.
My Family. God blessed me with a great family. I hurt them deeply and sinned against them. They have extended undeserved grace to me.
Ashley's Family. I sinned against Ashley's former husband Dean. I sinned against her dad, mom, sister, and brother. I sinned against the family who raised her in a godly home. I should have respected the sanctity of her marriage and her godly heritage and I did not.
Grace Point Church. God entrusted me with an incredible vision that became Grace Point Church. God allowed me to be a part of an incredible journey and see a lot of people become followers of Jesus through Grace Point. I will always be a part of the Grace Point story. Yet I violated their trust. I sinned against them. I failed them as a leader.
Grace Point's Staff and Leadership. God allowed me to work with incredible people at Grace Point. I led many of them to Christ and was able to be involved in the spiritual journey of all of them. And I betrayed them. I sinned against the staff and the elders. I betrayed their trust. I failed to protect my heart and turned my back on them when they tried to reach out to me.
My Mentors. God has placed some incredible people in my life. Many great men of God invested in me and the vision God placed in my heart. I sinned against them.
My Friends. My life journey has taken a crazy path. God has allowed me to have many friends in many places around the country. My sin hurt them.
My sphere of influence. God allowed me to impact people that I do not even know personally. My sin hurt many of those people. We had a huge testimony in the community where Grace Point exists. My sin hurt the name of Jesus among many of those people.
Ashley. I sinned against my present wife Ashley. I allowed myself to get involved in an adulterous relationship with her. It took me quite some time to realize that I needed to ask for her forgiveness. I heard an Andy Stanley sermon that really helped me understand the necessity of this step. I have done so and it has helped us take some huge steps in the healing of our own relationship which started on a faulty foundation and requires the redemptive grace of Jesus.
I know there are many others who I hurt deeply who are not included in this list. I wish I could sit with each person face-to-face and ask for their forgiveness. But I can't. So to all of those who have been hurt by my actions, know that I am sorry for my sin. I ask you to forgive me. I pray that you will keep your eyes on Jesus the One who will never sin against you or let you down.
The bad is bad. Sin is. Thankfully Jesus forgives, heals, and transforms the bad for His glory.
THE UGLY
Adultery is ugly. Divorce is ugly. Sin is ugly. Consequences are ugly. There is a lot of ugly in situations like this one. The lies. The deception. The gossip. The secrets. The slander. The shame. The guilt. The finger pointing. The labels. When things like this happen, the ugly gets really ugly.
My heart had grown really ugly before my sin was exposed. I was in an ugly season of life and as a result I made some decisions that were self-centered. Without getting into all of the ugly details, I did not trust God to do the impossible. I did not trust God to heal my marriage. I did not trust God to work in my heart and life.
I chose the ugly and I live with the ugliness of my choices. Thankfully God has a divine way of transforming ugliness into beauty - of taking our sinful choices and redeeming them.
THE GOOD
I hesitate to post the good because I do not want it to be misconstrued but I do believe those who are living in the bad and ugly need to know that God is able to bring good out of our wrong. I mention the good only because God is good and He is responsible for any good that has come out of the bad and ugly. Here are a few good things happening in my life.
God is healing my heart - I have written plenty on this already.
A job that allows me to focus on my relationships. Split custody is ugly, but God has provided me a job where I am able to be home 3 1/2 days a week with little or no obligations. I can drop off the kids at school and pick them up. I am able to spend quality time with them. In spite of the ugliness, God has provided some good when it comes to spending time with my kids. I love them deeper than ever.
My second chance marriage. I want to be very careful to avoid unnecessary hurt. Let's be honest here: our marriage did not start off in a God-honoring way. Every odd is stacked against us. We know the statistics for second marriages and they are not pretty. And because we are so aware of the stats, we are extremely God-dependent and determined to make the most of the second chance God has given us. We can't change what has happened. Our present life is our new reality. We can't go back. But what we can do is surrender our hearts and marriage to God and live in the truth that grace bridges the gap. Grace is bigger than statistics and it is upon that truth we will stand.
There is so much that is unfair about this entire situation. My heart hurts for those I have hurt. Although many view me as strong, prideful, confident, and arrogant at times, the truth is that God has broken me. I weep over my sin and those affected by it. No one knows the depth of my hurt. And yet, as the Psalmist so vividly describes over and over, God is my eternal refuge and strength. He is my solace. And He is working to make all things new.
God redeems humans. He redeems broken lives, sinful hearts, damaged relationships, and selfish choices. He redeems the bad and He redeems the ugly. And He uses both for His glory.
So there it is in a nutshell: the good, the bad, and the ugly. All three are a part of life and all three are an essential part of this tapestry that we call life.
In light of everything that has happened, let me share with you some of the good, the bad, and the ugly (although I am going to mix up the order - sorry Clint Eastwood). I will be candid.
THE BAD
When I think about the bad, I am reminded of my own sin and my continual need for repentance and forgiveness. God has been teaching me a lot about repentance lately. Repentance is such a heart issue. It is so personal. If you doubt its intimacy, just read the Psalms. The struggle with repentance is that no one one knows your heart and everyone seems to know what repentance should or should not look like in your life. That's why repentance is primarily between the sinner and God. That being said, repentance also manifests itself outwardly. One of the evidences of repentance is seeking forgiveness from those you have sinned against. I have been in the process of asking forgiveness.
I hurt a lot of people. I sinned against a lot of people. I am not always sure who deserves an apology and who does not. And I have also learned that regardless of what you say or do that it may or may not be enough for the injured party. People will question your sincerity, your method, your words, your motive, and just about anything and everything related to this difficult process. That's why ultimately the person asking forgiveness must do what God calls us to do and leave the results to Him.
However, there are certain people that I sinned against who I believe deserve a public (and private) apology. I have asked for forgiveness from many of these people and most of them have extended me that grace. I also understand forgiveness is a process and I am learning to trust God with that process.
God. Above anyone else, I sinned against God. I sinned against the God who gave me life. I have repented of my sin before Him and asked for His forgiveness. Thankfully He is the God who forgives completely and fully without reservations or limitations.
Starla. I was married to Starla for 20 years. I betrayed her in more ways than one. I violated our marriage covenant. I sinned against her. There is no excuse for what I did to her. I will live with that reality for a long time. I have asked for her forgiveness.
My Children. I sinned against my kids. I failed to be the father God called me to be in their lives. I live with the consequences of my sin against them every day. Their grace and forgiveness toward me in spite of me blows my mind.
My Family. God blessed me with a great family. I hurt them deeply and sinned against them. They have extended undeserved grace to me.
Ashley's Family. I sinned against Ashley's former husband Dean. I sinned against her dad, mom, sister, and brother. I sinned against the family who raised her in a godly home. I should have respected the sanctity of her marriage and her godly heritage and I did not.
Grace Point Church. God entrusted me with an incredible vision that became Grace Point Church. God allowed me to be a part of an incredible journey and see a lot of people become followers of Jesus through Grace Point. I will always be a part of the Grace Point story. Yet I violated their trust. I sinned against them. I failed them as a leader.
Grace Point's Staff and Leadership. God allowed me to work with incredible people at Grace Point. I led many of them to Christ and was able to be involved in the spiritual journey of all of them. And I betrayed them. I sinned against the staff and the elders. I betrayed their trust. I failed to protect my heart and turned my back on them when they tried to reach out to me.
My Mentors. God has placed some incredible people in my life. Many great men of God invested in me and the vision God placed in my heart. I sinned against them.
My Friends. My life journey has taken a crazy path. God has allowed me to have many friends in many places around the country. My sin hurt them.
My sphere of influence. God allowed me to impact people that I do not even know personally. My sin hurt many of those people. We had a huge testimony in the community where Grace Point exists. My sin hurt the name of Jesus among many of those people.
Ashley. I sinned against my present wife Ashley. I allowed myself to get involved in an adulterous relationship with her. It took me quite some time to realize that I needed to ask for her forgiveness. I heard an Andy Stanley sermon that really helped me understand the necessity of this step. I have done so and it has helped us take some huge steps in the healing of our own relationship which started on a faulty foundation and requires the redemptive grace of Jesus.
I know there are many others who I hurt deeply who are not included in this list. I wish I could sit with each person face-to-face and ask for their forgiveness. But I can't. So to all of those who have been hurt by my actions, know that I am sorry for my sin. I ask you to forgive me. I pray that you will keep your eyes on Jesus the One who will never sin against you or let you down.
The bad is bad. Sin is. Thankfully Jesus forgives, heals, and transforms the bad for His glory.
THE UGLY
Adultery is ugly. Divorce is ugly. Sin is ugly. Consequences are ugly. There is a lot of ugly in situations like this one. The lies. The deception. The gossip. The secrets. The slander. The shame. The guilt. The finger pointing. The labels. When things like this happen, the ugly gets really ugly.
My heart had grown really ugly before my sin was exposed. I was in an ugly season of life and as a result I made some decisions that were self-centered. Without getting into all of the ugly details, I did not trust God to do the impossible. I did not trust God to heal my marriage. I did not trust God to work in my heart and life.
I chose the ugly and I live with the ugliness of my choices. Thankfully God has a divine way of transforming ugliness into beauty - of taking our sinful choices and redeeming them.
THE GOOD
I hesitate to post the good because I do not want it to be misconstrued but I do believe those who are living in the bad and ugly need to know that God is able to bring good out of our wrong. I mention the good only because God is good and He is responsible for any good that has come out of the bad and ugly. Here are a few good things happening in my life.
God is healing my heart - I have written plenty on this already.
A job that allows me to focus on my relationships. Split custody is ugly, but God has provided me a job where I am able to be home 3 1/2 days a week with little or no obligations. I can drop off the kids at school and pick them up. I am able to spend quality time with them. In spite of the ugliness, God has provided some good when it comes to spending time with my kids. I love them deeper than ever.
My second chance marriage. I want to be very careful to avoid unnecessary hurt. Let's be honest here: our marriage did not start off in a God-honoring way. Every odd is stacked against us. We know the statistics for second marriages and they are not pretty. And because we are so aware of the stats, we are extremely God-dependent and determined to make the most of the second chance God has given us. We can't change what has happened. Our present life is our new reality. We can't go back. But what we can do is surrender our hearts and marriage to God and live in the truth that grace bridges the gap. Grace is bigger than statistics and it is upon that truth we will stand.
There is so much that is unfair about this entire situation. My heart hurts for those I have hurt. Although many view me as strong, prideful, confident, and arrogant at times, the truth is that God has broken me. I weep over my sin and those affected by it. No one knows the depth of my hurt. And yet, as the Psalmist so vividly describes over and over, God is my eternal refuge and strength. He is my solace. And He is working to make all things new.
God redeems humans. He redeems broken lives, sinful hearts, damaged relationships, and selfish choices. He redeems the bad and He redeems the ugly. And He uses both for His glory.
So there it is in a nutshell: the good, the bad, and the ugly. All three are a part of life and all three are an essential part of this tapestry that we call life.
Monday, January 09, 2012
One Year Later...
*This blog has been written out of the sincerity of my heart. Writing is usually natural for me but this particular blog took me quite some time to process and write. I know that some will judge its content and others will find it healing. To be honest, I wrote it more for my own healing and reflection than for anyone else. God knows my heart and ultimately He is my audience. Hopefully it will give those who care a glimpse into what God has been doing in my heart this past year. So here it is:
January 9th 2011 was the most difficult day of my life to this point.
On that day, I walked off the stage of Grace Point Church for the last time. Ironically, my last Sunday as the Founding Pastor of Grace Point was also our 5-year anniversary as a church. Grace Point is a vision God planted in my heart years earlier that became a reality in 2006 when about 135 people gathered in a middle school cafeteria in North Las Vegas and Grace Point Church was officially born.
For over six years, Grace Point Church was my life. I loved it. I lived it. I breathed it. I was obsessed with it. And then suddenly, it was gone. Because of my own selfish and sinful choices, I forfeited the right to lead the very church God birthed in my heart years earlier. In a few days time, everything Devin Hudson related (name, sermons, videos, etc) were erased from the website of a church that exists because of a God call in my heart. I didn't even have the opportunity to say goodbye. And it all happened for one reason: my sin.
The last official thing I did as the Lead Pastor of Grace Point Church was share the gospel. After a day of celebration and reflection on our 5+ year journey, I shared the gospel one final time, walked off the stage, collapsed in the arms of a friend, and wept like a baby knowing my life would never be the same - and there was no one to blame but me.
On that same day, I had the toughest conversations I have ever had in my life as my secret sin and its subsequent consequences were revealed to my family, friends, and those God had entrusted me to lead and serve. I will NEVER forget the cries of anguish from my kids on that day. Even as I type the words, that memory still hurts my heart deeply and brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I do not wish that feeling and experience on anyone. I live every day with that memory.
One year ago, everything I knew professionally and personally was forever changed. The hurt I felt and caused can not be explained. It can only be experienced. I live with the reality of my choices every single day. I hurt more people than I even know. Everything I was and am was called into question. As I have heard it said many times, "It takes years to build a reputation but only a moment to destroy it."
Since that fateful day last January, my life has been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I have gone through a divorce. Relocated. Remarried. And taken my place in life outside the "ministry" world I had known so long. My life now is a direct result of a cycle of selfish choices. For an extended period of time, I allowed my heart to wander from the God who planted that initial vision in my heart. Eventually it caused me to develop and live a pattern of sinful decisions that disqualified me from the church I started from scratch. In short, I became a statistic.
To say that this year has been difficult would be an extreme understatement. No one knows the pain, hurt, regret, guilt, and remorse that we have been through. As the old adage goes, "until you walk a mile in another person's shoes..." And yet through the immensity of the pain and severity of the consequences, God never stopped pursuing and loving me.
I plan to write some blogs over the next few days/weeks on the life lessons God has been teaching me but for now, here is a summary of my "one year later" thoughts.
Protect your heart. Bottom line: I did not guard my heart and I fell prey to sin's temptation. As the Proverbs warn, "Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it are the sources of life." If you do not protect your heart with vigilance then you will fall - at some level and in some way.
Your character is more important than your image. I surprised a lot of people when my sin was exposed. I did a good job creating an image that everything was great in my life while my heart was far from God in so many ways. My image was very important to me - more important to me than my character. And for that reason, I lied, covered up things, and scrambled to protect my image. If I had been as concerned with my character as I was my image, then I would have worked harder to protect the things that are the most important in life.
Jesus followers can make bad decisions. Only those who have been through the type of life experience we have been through can understand how you can 1) love Jesus, 2) love His church, and 3) allow sin to take a prominent place in your life. If you had asked me a few years ago if I was capable of falling into this trap, I would have wanted to believe I was not. And yet here I am. I fell into a cycle of sin that resulted in some horrible decisions. Yet I never stopped loving Jesus. I can list a hundred reasons why I ended up where I did and God is helping me process how I ended up there so I never end up there again. I have learned the hard way that Jesus followers can make bad decisions. That's why our salvation is continually being worked out in our lives. The gospel must continually transform our hearts into the image of Jesus.
Sin's consequences are harsh. I've heard a lot of talk about consequences the last year. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what consequences I should or should not face. And truthfully, only those who go through something like this can grasp the depth of sin's consequences. Deserved or undeserved - consequences still hurt. Remember that truth when you want to passively dismiss someone's consequences as what they deserve. The pain is still real. Jesus came to take sin's consequences and thankfully He embraced our most severe consequence of all - our deserved death. I live everyday of my life with my consequences. Thankfully the gospel redeems them for His glory.
Repentance can be a process. I recently wrote on this subject here. The only thing I will repeat here is that repentance is a necessary and continual component in the healing of our hearts and it must be grounded in the goodness and grace of the God who forgives.
God is the God of second chances. This statement has never been more real to me. God gives second chances (and third, fourth, fifth, etc). God never gives up on us and pursues us relentlessly. I am more grateful than ever that God's love for me never changes. When others gave up on me, He did not. That truth amazes me. It is God's second chance grace that I now embrace for my life, my marriage, and my future.
Sin is big - Grace is bigger. Romans 5:20 is the cornerstone verse upon Grace Point Church was founded. "Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more." It is an easy verse to quote but a difficult verse to believe and live. Over the past few months, God has taught me more than ever that my heart is far more sinful than I imagined and yet His grace is far bigger than I imagined.
God is my final Judge. I have learned this lesson the hard way. For much of my life I have been consumed with what people think about me. In recent months, God has taught repeatedly, "Devin stop worrying about what labels others give you and focus on who you are in me." This truth has been liberating for me. I wrote a blog on labels where I talked about how crippling human labels can be and yet how empowering God's labels are. I am learning to live in who I am in Jesus and be less concerned with how others judge me. By the way, no matter what steps you take it will not satisfy everyone so do what God calls you to do and leave the response in His hands.
Forgiveness is a process. Just like repentance can be a process, so can forgiveness. I am not sure what complete and genuine forgiveness looks like when you hurt people so deeply. I have experienced it in Jesus and through some of His followers. I know that a lot of us tend to forgive in a "I forgive you but..." kind of way. I'm so thankful Jesus doesn't forgive that way. He not only forgives but pursues intimate relationship. The New Testament calls us to a "as Jesus forgives" type forgiveness but I realize forgiveness is also a process. I don't pretend to have this tension figured out. In the end I must trust Jesus to bring healing and believe that ultimately genuine forgiveness will prevail.
Guilt and remorse are heavy burdens. There is a line in Crowder's rendition of How He Loves Us that declares, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us." Those words are powerful when applied to real life. Living with guilt and remorse is something I do every day and yet God continually calls me to lay aside my guilt and embrace His healing love. As time passes, I am learning to allow Him to bear the weight of my guilt and find my freedom in His forgiveness.
Being Jesus to fallen Jesus followers is tough. God has put some incredible people in my life. One of the first blogs I wrote after I felt God wanted me to start writing again reminds us that our tendency is to defriend sinners and the tendency of Jesus was to befriend sinners. It is one of my most read blogs ever. I believe it resonates with so many because being Jesus to fallen Christians (particularly leaders) is a difficult challenge. I am so thankful that God put people in my life to love me through the good and bad. People responded a lot of different ways to my sin. Not one person ever condoned or excused what I did or was doing. But only a handful of people were able to say "Devin - I love you and regardless of what I think about your sin I will continue to love you and be there for you." Even in my most sinful and prideful moments, those people loved me in a way that pointed to Jesus. Ultimately their love for me was a huge part of my healing process. They refused to walk away even when I didn't return their phone calls or respond as I should have and as a result God used them far beyond what they realize. Be Jesus to people - even when it is tough and unnatural - they will not forget it.
God makes beauty out of ashes. That statement speaks for itself.
The last year of my life has taught me so much about me and more importantly about God. I am continuing to find healing in my relationship with God, my children, my family, and my friends. I do not wish what I have been through this year on anyone. And yet through it all, God has proven faithful, loving, and forgiving. I pray I will continue to discover who He is and who I am in Him.
If you are reading this blog and find yourself in a situation similar to where I was, take the necessary steps to find repentance and restoration. It is not too late. Reach out to someone. Reach out to me if you want. I get it! Don't become a statistic.
One year later ... He is still the God who loves, saves, heals, forgives, and restores. And I now understand that truth more than ever.
January 9th 2011 was the most difficult day of my life to this point.
On that day, I walked off the stage of Grace Point Church for the last time. Ironically, my last Sunday as the Founding Pastor of Grace Point was also our 5-year anniversary as a church. Grace Point is a vision God planted in my heart years earlier that became a reality in 2006 when about 135 people gathered in a middle school cafeteria in North Las Vegas and Grace Point Church was officially born.
For over six years, Grace Point Church was my life. I loved it. I lived it. I breathed it. I was obsessed with it. And then suddenly, it was gone. Because of my own selfish and sinful choices, I forfeited the right to lead the very church God birthed in my heart years earlier. In a few days time, everything Devin Hudson related (name, sermons, videos, etc) were erased from the website of a church that exists because of a God call in my heart. I didn't even have the opportunity to say goodbye. And it all happened for one reason: my sin.
The last official thing I did as the Lead Pastor of Grace Point Church was share the gospel. After a day of celebration and reflection on our 5+ year journey, I shared the gospel one final time, walked off the stage, collapsed in the arms of a friend, and wept like a baby knowing my life would never be the same - and there was no one to blame but me.
On that same day, I had the toughest conversations I have ever had in my life as my secret sin and its subsequent consequences were revealed to my family, friends, and those God had entrusted me to lead and serve. I will NEVER forget the cries of anguish from my kids on that day. Even as I type the words, that memory still hurts my heart deeply and brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I do not wish that feeling and experience on anyone. I live every day with that memory.
One year ago, everything I knew professionally and personally was forever changed. The hurt I felt and caused can not be explained. It can only be experienced. I live with the reality of my choices every single day. I hurt more people than I even know. Everything I was and am was called into question. As I have heard it said many times, "It takes years to build a reputation but only a moment to destroy it."
Since that fateful day last January, my life has been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I have gone through a divorce. Relocated. Remarried. And taken my place in life outside the "ministry" world I had known so long. My life now is a direct result of a cycle of selfish choices. For an extended period of time, I allowed my heart to wander from the God who planted that initial vision in my heart. Eventually it caused me to develop and live a pattern of sinful decisions that disqualified me from the church I started from scratch. In short, I became a statistic.
To say that this year has been difficult would be an extreme understatement. No one knows the pain, hurt, regret, guilt, and remorse that we have been through. As the old adage goes, "until you walk a mile in another person's shoes..." And yet through the immensity of the pain and severity of the consequences, God never stopped pursuing and loving me.
I plan to write some blogs over the next few days/weeks on the life lessons God has been teaching me but for now, here is a summary of my "one year later" thoughts.
Protect your heart. Bottom line: I did not guard my heart and I fell prey to sin's temptation. As the Proverbs warn, "Guard your heart with all vigilance, for from it are the sources of life." If you do not protect your heart with vigilance then you will fall - at some level and in some way.
Your character is more important than your image. I surprised a lot of people when my sin was exposed. I did a good job creating an image that everything was great in my life while my heart was far from God in so many ways. My image was very important to me - more important to me than my character. And for that reason, I lied, covered up things, and scrambled to protect my image. If I had been as concerned with my character as I was my image, then I would have worked harder to protect the things that are the most important in life.
Jesus followers can make bad decisions. Only those who have been through the type of life experience we have been through can understand how you can 1) love Jesus, 2) love His church, and 3) allow sin to take a prominent place in your life. If you had asked me a few years ago if I was capable of falling into this trap, I would have wanted to believe I was not. And yet here I am. I fell into a cycle of sin that resulted in some horrible decisions. Yet I never stopped loving Jesus. I can list a hundred reasons why I ended up where I did and God is helping me process how I ended up there so I never end up there again. I have learned the hard way that Jesus followers can make bad decisions. That's why our salvation is continually being worked out in our lives. The gospel must continually transform our hearts into the image of Jesus.
Sin's consequences are harsh. I've heard a lot of talk about consequences the last year. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what consequences I should or should not face. And truthfully, only those who go through something like this can grasp the depth of sin's consequences. Deserved or undeserved - consequences still hurt. Remember that truth when you want to passively dismiss someone's consequences as what they deserve. The pain is still real. Jesus came to take sin's consequences and thankfully He embraced our most severe consequence of all - our deserved death. I live everyday of my life with my consequences. Thankfully the gospel redeems them for His glory.
Repentance can be a process. I recently wrote on this subject here. The only thing I will repeat here is that repentance is a necessary and continual component in the healing of our hearts and it must be grounded in the goodness and grace of the God who forgives.
God is the God of second chances. This statement has never been more real to me. God gives second chances (and third, fourth, fifth, etc). God never gives up on us and pursues us relentlessly. I am more grateful than ever that God's love for me never changes. When others gave up on me, He did not. That truth amazes me. It is God's second chance grace that I now embrace for my life, my marriage, and my future.
Sin is big - Grace is bigger. Romans 5:20 is the cornerstone verse upon Grace Point Church was founded. "Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more." It is an easy verse to quote but a difficult verse to believe and live. Over the past few months, God has taught me more than ever that my heart is far more sinful than I imagined and yet His grace is far bigger than I imagined.
God is my final Judge. I have learned this lesson the hard way. For much of my life I have been consumed with what people think about me. In recent months, God has taught repeatedly, "Devin stop worrying about what labels others give you and focus on who you are in me." This truth has been liberating for me. I wrote a blog on labels where I talked about how crippling human labels can be and yet how empowering God's labels are. I am learning to live in who I am in Jesus and be less concerned with how others judge me. By the way, no matter what steps you take it will not satisfy everyone so do what God calls you to do and leave the response in His hands.
Forgiveness is a process. Just like repentance can be a process, so can forgiveness. I am not sure what complete and genuine forgiveness looks like when you hurt people so deeply. I have experienced it in Jesus and through some of His followers. I know that a lot of us tend to forgive in a "I forgive you but..." kind of way. I'm so thankful Jesus doesn't forgive that way. He not only forgives but pursues intimate relationship. The New Testament calls us to a "as Jesus forgives" type forgiveness but I realize forgiveness is also a process. I don't pretend to have this tension figured out. In the end I must trust Jesus to bring healing and believe that ultimately genuine forgiveness will prevail.
Guilt and remorse are heavy burdens. There is a line in Crowder's rendition of How He Loves Us that declares, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us." Those words are powerful when applied to real life. Living with guilt and remorse is something I do every day and yet God continually calls me to lay aside my guilt and embrace His healing love. As time passes, I am learning to allow Him to bear the weight of my guilt and find my freedom in His forgiveness.
Being Jesus to fallen Jesus followers is tough. God has put some incredible people in my life. One of the first blogs I wrote after I felt God wanted me to start writing again reminds us that our tendency is to defriend sinners and the tendency of Jesus was to befriend sinners. It is one of my most read blogs ever. I believe it resonates with so many because being Jesus to fallen Christians (particularly leaders) is a difficult challenge. I am so thankful that God put people in my life to love me through the good and bad. People responded a lot of different ways to my sin. Not one person ever condoned or excused what I did or was doing. But only a handful of people were able to say "Devin - I love you and regardless of what I think about your sin I will continue to love you and be there for you." Even in my most sinful and prideful moments, those people loved me in a way that pointed to Jesus. Ultimately their love for me was a huge part of my healing process. They refused to walk away even when I didn't return their phone calls or respond as I should have and as a result God used them far beyond what they realize. Be Jesus to people - even when it is tough and unnatural - they will not forget it.
God makes beauty out of ashes. That statement speaks for itself.
The last year of my life has taught me so much about me and more importantly about God. I am continuing to find healing in my relationship with God, my children, my family, and my friends. I do not wish what I have been through this year on anyone. And yet through it all, God has proven faithful, loving, and forgiving. I pray I will continue to discover who He is and who I am in Him.
If you are reading this blog and find yourself in a situation similar to where I was, take the necessary steps to find repentance and restoration. It is not too late. Reach out to someone. Reach out to me if you want. I get it! Don't become a statistic.
One year later ... He is still the God who loves, saves, heals, forgives, and restores. And I now understand that truth more than ever.
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