A Brief Update

I have been receiving a number of e-mails, texts, etc asking me how I am doing so here's a brief overview of some of the things going on in my world for those interested. 

I now live in North Alabama. I live here for one primary reason: to be near my children. Fortunately God has provided me a job where I can travel from any major airport so I live in North Alabama and fly in and out of Huntsville almost every weekend. I am blessed to have a schedule that allows me to be with the kids half the week and travel the other half. When I am home, I can focus on my family, the kids and building our new life in Alabama. I am thankful for the flexibility my career provides in that regard.

I am adjusting to life in the "country." It definitely has its advantages and disadvantages. Thankfully I get to visit some great cities throughout the country now so I get my "city fix" through my travel. 

God is teaching me a lot about my own depravity, His incredible grace, the magnitude of what Jesus did on the cross, and the importance of protecting my heart.  He is also teaching me how essential it is to rest in Him and not focus on the approval or disapproval of humans. As a person who has spent a lot of my life "in the spotlight" this is a difficult lesson to learn at times.

Admittedly the healing process I am going through is filled with ups and downs - good days and bad. I do have some key people who are speaking consistently into my life in a way that is straightforward yet grace-filled. God has put some solid pastors in my life who are investing in me at different levels. I am so grateful for these individuals God has put in my life at a time I needed them. God has definitely taught me through them what it means to "be Jesus" to someone in their darkest hours.

I struggle regularly with my desire to seek forgiveness from the many people I have hurt and yet reaching a place in my life where I feel "asking for forgiveness" is perceived as authentic. I am deeply sorry for my sinful choices. My choices have created consequences that are far-reaching and deep. I live with the reality of these consequences every day. In this process, I am discovering things about my own heart that would allow me to make these type choices. I have a long way to go and I believe it is an ongoing process of unpacking who I am and who He is.

What I do know is this: my heart is more sinful than I ever imagined & His grace is bigger than I ever imagined.

My Christian faith has always been a central yet somewhat cliche part of my life in some regard - that sounds strange considering how active I was involved in leading others in their faith journey. And yet for the first time I have no pretense on what it means to follow Jesus. For the first time in a long time I am experiencing a faith that is raw and real. I have no moral grounds upon which to stand so I am learning to rest totally in His righteousness and finished work.

God has challenged me recently to focus on how He views me and seeking to rebuild relationship with those who are the closest to me (which of course is also many of the same ones I hurt the deepest). Those are the primary steps I am taking right now.

Writing has always been an avenue for me to express what God is teaching me and I plan to do some introspective writing in the near future for those interested. It is more a form of therapy for me to wrestle with some difficult life lessons God is teaching me.

For those of you who are reading this update and have been hurt by my actions, I am so sorry. I do hope with time that I can find your forgiveness. Thankfully we believe in a God who offers and provides instantaneous forgiveness. It is His grace upon which I now rest more than ever. Continue to pray for me as your heart allows.


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